Tag Archives: Manipulation

I hope this starts an investigation!

workplace_bullying_statistics-100540413-large-idgeWell

For those of you that read my previous post, The Job From Hell, The Boss of your Nightmares and the Cowardly Coworkers, You know that my boss was a psychopathic cunt. I was fired 2 months after I posted that (NO, not for posting it, I change names, remember). I was fired because of the reasons you will read below. Below is an email I sent to the corporate HR, the plant manager and his boss, the VP as I was advised by multiple outside agencies (The email (in this brownish colour)is exactly as I sent it with only names changed … Any side notes I enter will be in [Green in square brackets]. Also, pictures are added for my (and your?) amusement and were not in the email). Without the money for a lawyer, this is all I can do … but rest assured that if these 3 do nothing I will go over their heads. That bitch will either treat people better or lose her goddamned job. I will make sure of it.

So as a reminder, or sum up for those who didn’t read my previous post (go read it! The link is above):
Andera – the controlling psychopathic boss.
Elise – the lying blameshifter crazy-ass minion.
Suzanne – my (best/favourite) co-worker and IS still my friend.
Brenda – a co-worker. little older, set in her ways and just lovely.
Tonya – another co-worker. I liked her too.

Good Day JOBHP Management,

First and foremost, know that I did not go to LocalHR [I am not even going to give this moron a name] with this matter for a reason. Please read on for that/those reasons.

I do not even know where to begin as I have never been put into this position before. I guess I will start with an introduction. My name is Acrimonious Dragon and I worked at JOBHP in customer service. I had been with JOBHP for approx. 5 months. I started noticing on Day 2 of working there that there were some issues, mostly with Andera (who happened to be my direct manager). It had gotten progressively worse since that day, well I am not sure if it had gotten worse, or I was just seeing more and more. I wanted to go to the local HR, LocalHR (who I now believe to be bias), but I believed that I would lose my job, as my 6 month probationary period [6 month probation!! Who the hell does that!!?? 6 months is long enough to see who they cannot break!] was not yet over. I was right.

I apologize for the lengthy email but it is necessary. [It is really long…but most of my posts are. Tee Hee] I am writing with hopes that you will take action and correct the behavior of Andera, Elise and perhaps LocalHR (I am assuming here that you are unaware of the abuse, bullying and harassment that goes on, now you will). First I would like to express my disgust with the release letter that I received. It seemed like a bribe and have not and will not sign it, as I will not be “silenced” to the abuse provided by Andera. I am assuming here that you have access to the copies of the termination and release letter I received, if not I am more than willing to provide scans of them). [These were not attached to email. Attaching to post for your viewing pleasure] [I may also note that despite not signing and stating to LocalHR in an email that I will not sign and do not agree to the terms … they still paid me the extra 2 weeks … suspicious?? … Admission of guilt??]

After settling down for a few weeks, doing some research, seeking advice, finding information and thinking rationally (I was very upset the first couple of days after my termination, knowing it was wrongful, thankfully I am a rational and intelligent woman and know better than to react too quickly while upset, angry or hurt), I realized that JOBHP and management above Andera and LocalHR may not be the problem and perhaps after discovering the abuse, bullying and harassment that is going on they (You) would deal with this in a fair and just manner. Certain people within the company need to be dealt with accordingly (they need to be fired in my opinion, but that decision is in your hands). So I decided to come to you first, hoping that JOBHP is in fact the company I think it is.  I am not trying to “make trouble”, I want justice (for lack of a better term), I want people, your employees, my friends and (ex) co-workers, to be treated with respect and fairness from now on. I want them to NOT be abused, Harassed and bullied. I want their mental health to be intact and to not live in fear of Andera and her “gang” (Elise and LocalHR). Despite the fact that I was on probation, I was wrongly [should that have said “wrongfully”? Damnit!] terminated, but this letter is more to stop the harassment, abuse and bullying. So the story is as follows.

keep-it-up

I kept a journal that I started on May 20th because I needed to keep track of the horrible abuse people were suffering through the hands of Andera (and Elise). I kept this journal because I intended to go to HR and complain about how people are treated by Andera after my probation was over or as the case is now, in case I was fired for no good reason. (I am willing to provide scans of pages from this journal if they are required) [Sorry, I am not uploading those pages for public viewing]. The thing is I know the reason(s) I was fired, despite not being given a reason other than “it didn’t work out”, (Literally, when I asked LocalHR Why, she stated “It just didn’t work out” … is that even legal??) [Seriously.. is it?] and I believe the main reasons are Not because of my work (Because again, not to toot my own horn but, I was Extremely good at my job!) but as follows:slider1-wrongfullyterminate

  1. My belief that the main reason I was fired is that during a harassment claim put in on Andera, I was brought in to speak (Sept 9) with LocalHR as a witness to some incidents. During this investigation, I mentioned my journal and offered it up as evidence to help a co-worker and put an end to Andera’s abuse. I was wrong. When LocalHR dismissed my journal I knew instantly 2 things were about to happen 1.  LocalHR was Bias and this investigation was not going to amount to much and 2. I was about to be fired. Yep I saw that coming (The proof of that is in the “keep your mouth shut and we will pay you” release (bribe?) letter that I refuse to sign).
  2. Elise does not like me, because I stand up to her and do (did) a much better job than her. Why does this matter? Because Elise is Andera’s “little Princess”. Elise can do no wrong in Andera’s eyes and NEVER gets into trouble (by Andera) no matter how much she messes up. Andera may have the manager title, but what Elise says, goes. Also no one is allowed do a better job than Elise because Andera doesn’t want Elise to be “Shown up”. The word in the “rumour mill” is that the last Customer service girl (xxxxxxx [I am not going to bother giving her a name, I will likely never mention her again]) was terminated because Elise didn’t like her either. Now I have no proof of that one as I was not with JOBHP at the time of Jacklyn’s employment with JOBHP … but an awful lot of people seem to have the same opinion on that …
  3. I made friends with Suzanne. Why should that matter? Because it is quite obvious that Andera has a high level of hatred for Suzanne. Plain and simple. (Andera seemingly made several attempts to stop a friendship by demanding we not talk to each other and for me to never ask Suzanne questions).
  4. I hope it was not because I left for a funeral. But just in case I will throw that in here… A close family member passed away Sept 17th and I went back to NB for funeral and arrangements. I called Andera the following Monday (Sept 19) and she agreed that I could stay for 2 weeks using bereavement and vacation days. 3 days after my return I was fired. Pretty inconsiderate and disgusting. I just lost the woman who raised me and I come back to lose my job as well.

I liked it at JOBHP, the company “seems” great (I say seems, as I want to wait and see if this email will be swept under the rug and ignored or not) and the majority of the people I worked with were wonderful. I liked what I did and I did it VERY well. It is the bullying and harassing and these issues seeming to not be addressed that I have a problem with. While most of my concern is the way Suzanne is treated, please understand that, Andera (and Elise) in fact treat almost everyone in a bullying manner and with disrespect. Unless a person is management, in which case they both get, what seems to me as, uncomfortably “flirty” or “overly friendly” if you will.

I will start with Andera.

workbujotopperHere, I will give you a few examples (summed up from a few journal entries…but there are MANY more). My (Biggest) concern is that Andera is a Bully and she harasses and abuses employees (Suzanne more than anyone).

Andera bullies, harasses, abuses, belittles, scolds, yells, micromanages, makes accusations, blames and makes demands. She is Rude and unprofessional. She lies, manipulates and plays favourites. She is sneaky, spies and eaves drops. She embarrasses staff and just plainly treats employees like crap. She plays/fakes nice and scuntweet when anyone of consequence is around (Such as other management or customers) in an attempt to make herself look like a good manager and person, but she is a different person when those people are not around. I assure you she is not a good manager at all and I am not too sure she is even a good person.
She may “get things done” but she does so the WRONG way. A good manager treats their employees with respect. This manager (Andera) is going to lose more good employees, either by them quitting, her firing them because she doesn’t like them, or a mental breakdown caused by her (Which was VERY close to happening to me). I have been told that JOBHP does not have a high turnover rate for employees because it is a good company … How is the turnover rate for this location of JOBHP customer Service department? [JOBHP has locations all over North America] I am betting it is a bit higher than the JOBHP average…

Andera seems to have it out for Suzanne and I worry that Suzanne is the next target on the “firing” list. She (Andera) picks and picks and picks on Suzanne, day in and day out. It is stressful and uncomfortable for all. I sat next to Suzanne all day and I watched her struggle with the way she is treated. I watched her struggle to keep up because Andera “bothers” her so much throughout the day that she falls behind. I watched her struggle as Andera put her under such a tight microscope that Suzanne’s fear causes her to have more errors than she normally would. blame We ALL make mistakes, even Andera and especially Elise, Andera just points Suzanne’s out on a regular basis (in front of everyone and anyone!!!) and tries to hide her own errors as well as Elise’s!! (The ONLY reason Andera and Elise APPEAR to be good is that they cover up each other’s errors and blame everyone else) FYI, Suzanne does her job and is GREAT with the customers. We ALL have days in which we fall behind a bit, it just seems that Suzanne is not allowed to have these days. We ALL make mistakes and errors, but it seems Suzanne is not allowed to make any.  Suzanne recently (Early September?) had a big panic attack at work which I believe, without a doubt, to be caused by Andera. Suzanne had to be brought to the doctor as she was quite ill due to this attack.

stalker

Sometimes I felt as though Andera was stalking me. Nearly every time I’d go for lunch or break or away from my desk at all no matter what the time, she seemed to “follow” me. In fact I tested this theory out and purposely waited for her to finish her lunch and put her dishes in the kitchen before I took my lunch, low and behold [Crap another error LO and behold], she made her appearance in the lunch room, spying on me. It made the other people in the lunchroom uncomfortable as well, as they noticed this too and found it weird and creepy. I worked in fear every day. My anxiety and stress levels were (and still are) through the roof. I felt forced to eat my lunch in my car just to get away from her for a few minutes. If I EVER saw this woman outside of work I think I would file a restraining order. YES, it was/is that bad.

verbal

Andera has yelled at me, personally, on a few occasions. Once due to a hearing difficulty and insecurity I have. She snapped at me to look at her while she was talking during a morning “huddle” as she calls them (Which, By the way, in all honestly is a waste of 30 minutes to an hour of EVERYONE’s day). I was Livid. I do not always look at people while they are talking in a group for a couple reasons. I do not like to “stare” and I do not have the best hearing and therefore I will sometimes “aim” my ear to a speaker to hear them better. Also, I am not a 3 year old and resent her speaking to me as if I am. Another time she yelled at me about looking up “notes” that did not even exist. Yes, Actual Yelling.

belittle1She belittles me (and others) frequently by scolding, “talking down” to us and taking credit for what others do, to name but a few ways.
For example, she once asked if I understood instructions very condescendingly when Instructions were not actually given. I asked a simple yes or no question to a sales rep and he answered. Period. She very condescendingly asked if I understand those instructions. This was very belittling as she did this in front of other coworkers including the sales rep.i-am-better

Andera rudely told me not to provide helpful and available information to a sales rep because he can find the information himself, or as I took it, “don’t do things better than Elise”.

Everyone seems to be afraid of Andera including people that do not even work under her. I am not going to mention any other names, but I bet nearly anyone you ask (within the company and has contact with her, with NO fear of losing their job) will have negative things to say about Andera.fear Most people have told me they are afraid to speak up in fear of their own jobs. And My dismissal is proof that these claims are not unwarranted.
These are just a few of the many incidents that occurred with Andera.

Elise is just as bad. She bullies, abuses, belittles, scolds, yells, makes accusations, blames and makes demands just like Andera does. She is also rude, bossy, controlling and lies. She has regular “temper tantrums” when things don’t go her way and will refuse to teach you anything more if you go against her.
In one incident, after speaking with co-workers about how Andera was making demands again, Elise got inches away from my face and yelled at me. yellingShe has gotten into HUGE yelling matches with both Suzanne and Brenda.
She has outright lied to Andera about me (and others). She has, on multiple occasions, blamed both Tonya and I (and previous employees) for things she did or was responsible for. She has tried to hide evidence of her errors. I overheard her on the phone with someone rudely refusing to give contact information because “they could find it on the Bill of Lading”! She has snapped at pretty much all of the Customer service personnel almost daily. She actually went to HR to make a complaint knowing SHE was the one in the wrong and didn’t want to be the one to get in “trouble” in case we complained so she made us look bad and at that point anything we say is considered defense or retaliation. She is VERY sneaky, conniving and manipulative.whisper [I swear, I have to tell you this actual story … We have been repeatedly told by the psychopathic cunt, Andera, not to talk. Suzanne came to my desk with some papers and was showing me something work related. She was talking very low, whispering, if you will, explaining something WORK RELATED to me. Elise lost her fucking mind and yelled at Suzanne. Then Elise went to HR crying that we were whispering. I kid you not. She is a sneaky manipulative fucking bitch]

Now, I will portray my thoughts and experiences on LocalHR.
From what I understand Suzanne has gone to see LocalHR about Andera’s behavior on multiple occasions. It is also my understanding that some other co-workers have gone to speak to LocalHR about Andera, some on behalf of Suzanne. From my perspective, up to this point (or at least up to the day I left) nothing has been done (and I am told that still, nothing has changed) (I wonder if any of these visits to LocalHR were even documented by LocalHR. I truly believe that she helps cover up Andera’s abuse). look-the-other-wayAndera is still a bully and she still “picks on” and Harasses Suzanne (and anyone who does not do as she says, disagrees with her, or simply does things differently).  In fact Suzanne has recently (about 3 months ago) been put on a Personal improvement Plan (PIP) which I believe to be a direct retaliation by Andera, due to Suzanne going to see LocalHR to complain about Andera. Suzanne showed me this “PIP” contract and almost NOTHING on this plan is things anyone else has to do. Andera is simply gunning for Suzanne.
As I mentioned above, LocalHR’s take on the harassment claim brought against Andera seems bias and unfair. I believe that my offer to help the situation by offering my journal was a big “nail in my coffin”.  I was told by LocalHR, in that meeting, that I would not be fired for anything I said in this meeting. And I specifically asked. I asked mostly because my probation was not up and I feared for the loss of my job, rightly so. She outright lied as far as I can tell and am concerned. And again I state that the proof of this is in the “trying to silence me” release letter I received. What kind of release letter actually tells a person they are not allowed to go to human rights commission? A bribe and admission of guilt letter is what I see. Perhaps it is JOBHPs “General Release” letter, which makes me wonder about JOBHP…Why would you not want harassment and abuse reported?? hidden I have received release letters before and none of them have ever said “you are not allowed to go to human rights commission and you are not allowed to report or speak of the abuse you have encountered and witnessed” and you are not allowed to file a complaint against any of our employees. Typically they say:
Keep our confidential records quiet and things of that nature. Not “keep quiet about the abuse, harassment, lies and bullying you have witnessed and experienced here and we will pay you”.  I will NEVER sign a letter like that. Company confidential and proprietary information is one thing, abuse is another and should NEVER be silenced.

A little on me and my work as an FYI. I am a hard worker. I do/did not sit idly, I found myself things to do when there was minimal work to be done. I did my job better than most (if not all) we-are-awesome-so-fuck-you-in-fort-collins1[I should make a note here that Brenda did a different job and therefor I can not officially say I did better than her, and Suzanne was under a lot of stress and missed little things on paperwork or Andera’s made up processes, I think if not for Andera, Suzanne would do so much better …but when it came to customers, it was no contest, Suzanne took the cake. Her customers fucking love her!] I tried to learn everything and anything I could, whether it pertained to my job directly or to JOBHP in general. I was friendly with pretty much everyone I came in contact with. I befriended many. I enjoyed everything, outside of the abuse, bullying and harassment. However, I have anxiety and suffered attacks almost daily while working under Andera and with Elise. I went home and cried nearly daily and I barely slept. I have had “stress” blemish breakouts and was almost always sick to my stomach. I had daily headaches and was tense all day. anxiety-wordsSometimes I had trouble breathing and had weird heart palpitations. This was ALL due to Andera (and some Elise). Some of these symptoms have disappeared, as although I was upset, it was a relief to not have to go back to put up with Andera and Elise’s bullying and abuse and LocalHR’s bias “looking the other way”. I considered quitting many times to save my health, just walking out, but then decided to try and make a difference first as we live in a time where this behavior should not be tolerated. I decided to tough it out until my probation was over and take my concerns up with HR … well we now know how that turned out.

I am not trying to be a “troubrespect-in-the-workplace-logofinal-single-384h-april-2012le maker”, I am simply trying to eliminate the abuse, bullying and harassment of your present and future employees and have them be able to work in a place of honor and respect where they feel safe, comfortable and without fear and abuse. JOBHP failed me and I hope they (you) won’t fail anyone else. Please take this information and investigate. I trust that after reading my email you will take the appropriate course of action. If you have further questions or need more information, please feel free to email me at any timebye-bitch

Thank you kindly for your time and review.

I am actually highly relieved to not be working under that psychopathic cunt any longer… but shit I need a job!! 

Advertisements

Warning, It is a long one which is drama and bad language filled!

These are exchanges between Elly and Myself. Text from Elly has been copy and pasted with only names changed, so yes, I know some of the spelling is atrocious and difficult to read. But I am not correcting “her” spelling and grammar Errors. Go away Grammar police.

Keep in Mind that Elly is the girlfriend of My daughter’s father. She knows ONLY what he tells her. Most of my story has been kept to myself … until now.

Note: Kyia is 11 years old.

Note: Explanation of names in Page titled “Names”

First Message received from Elly: (Note a bit of explanations, that are not explained below in RED)

Hey Acrimonious Dragon, So I would like to say a couple things. I know you an Sean cant stand each other an that is fine. But im telling you ive never seen a man love a child like he does his. He misses that little girl something bad. I know hes not perfect lol an far from it we have all said an done our shit. But unlike most men who dont want nothing to donwith their child he does he misses her an loves hervas much as you . I just dont understand why I guess this keeps going on. The two of you dont have to or never have to get along ever. But it has to stop effecting the parenting part. I know hes an ass we all know that but he has made big changes an deserves a second chance. Kyia shouldnt be stuck in the middle of all this. I know you couldnt care less if he hurts because you two are bitter with each other. But im with him 24/7 and the past no one can change only the future. Just remember how u felt when you where working out there an she was here how much u missed her an wanted to just see her pretty little face or hear her voice. He goes thru that EVERY single day. I know ur laghing or just dont care but u should you have someone who WANTS to be a dad but cant. Thats sad an im sooo sick of watching the two of yous trying everything an anything to hurt each other selfish is what you guys are that little girl is gonna rebel one of these days because of the two of you. I know I was in Kyias shoes an it hurts to hearvmom say things about dad or mom. You will always be her mom an he will always be her dad an trying to turn her from one another is gonna back fire. It really is it may not be today or tomorrow but one day it will. An this ONE day crap u pulled down here (We, Kyia and I, went “home” for a 1 week vacation) that right there was a control thing my ex does itcall the time an u know something you shouldnt go back on your word on things an yes Kyia wanted to do supper but u knew damn well Sean wouldnt do that an instead of saying as an adult an mother no Kyia I think you an daddy should spend alone time you went with it an that was terrible. Anyways im frustrated with all this back an forth u need to be a mom an tell her not ask. Tell her to call her father spend time with him. Not ask her. Anyways she will thank u in the long run. Thanks mom for making me talk to my father all those years. This is the most fucked up situation I have seen an it needs to stop ur a lucky woman for a man to want his child in his life an want to give you a break by having her for 2 weeks but you cant give up the control. The two of you are so much alike its why u but heads. Its not about control anymore or who has the upper hand its about time with Kyia an that man loves her an misses her dearly. Ive never seen someone pretty much lose there mind every single day missing wanting to just hear there voice its sad what ur doing to him an yet again I know ur prob laughing but its not funny this man is gonna snap hes fuck up Acrimonious Dragon because all he wants is to hear her voice see her beauiful face I know eh shoot him for loving his daughter horrible indivdual. Deat beat dad eh… ridiculous. You won ur out there (We moved away to the other side of the country, to better our life about 2 years ago) shes away from her father you got all rights (I went to court to get legal full custody). As much as you want him erased from ur life an hers hes always gonna be her dad. They will one day have a relationship all on there own when she is old enough to understand that her dad called an texted every single day he loved her every single day she will learn all that on her own that he tried an tried. Im 32 an I am getting a relationship with my dad an im anger I missed all that time cause of my mom but its never to late I guess. Anyways hope you have a great day Acrimonious Dragon an put ur differences aside. Please.

Elly sent Kyia a Guilt filled message about Kyia ignoring her father about 2 days before ( I think she sent me her second message

Second Message Received from Elly: (Sean just received documents requesting a change in Child support from 285/mth to 485/mth) (For approx 7 years Sean was to pay 113/ mth for child support, He rarely made payments. After the approx 7 years the payment was upped to 285/mth….which he only paid for about 6 months when his wages were garnished, He then quit his job and worked under the table. He found a “legit” job again and his wages are being garnished again, He is approx $10,000 in arrears)

This is gettin ridiculous… You think Sean is making all this money??? He’s not I will swear on my kids he makes 427 a week that is it an after he pays for Kyia he has 300 an you want 200 more a month holy shit Acrimonious Dragon. “I” pay for this place my car all the bills cause he can’t afford to after he pays for food an his two bills that’s it money gone. Like we need to survive also an that man works fucking hard an he doesn’t mind paying for his daughter at all. But Jesus Christ Acrimonious Dragon he couldn’t even go get a second job cause u would go after that also an that would beat the purpose. Like you won’t let him see his daughter couldn’t even have her for a couple days when u where here an now you want to fuck him completely over with a bigger payment you are one of the selfish people I’ve come to know. You not only hurting him ur screwing with me also an I’m sick an fucking tried of this bullshit I fuckin sit here an watch that man cry watch him want to give up on everything because of you hold Kyia away. You are unreal. An I’m sick of playing nice an sitting back watching you tear my boyfriend apart the way you are. Yes he can be an ass but that’s between you an him leave Kyia the fuck out of it. He has every god damn right to see his daughter an you do everything in ur power to stop him from being a father. This is retarded an you have gotta everything you wanted but it’s still not enough for you. Must make ya feel good to take EVERYTHING from someone. You are not yet again only hurting him but me as well an you don’t want to piss me off Acrimonious Dragon I’ve been nothing but nice to you an ignored his stories about you to find the true you myself an wow you don’t stop man. Anyways I am done ranting an I hope you set back an look at the big picture an realize what you are doing an change ur ways. Let that man see his daughter when she’s around at least give him that for god sakes he wants her for a week I think he should get her. But that’s just me one mother to another could it wouldn’t feel to good shoe on the other foot an sometimes u gotta suck it up an think how would I feel in that situation??? Right. Have a good one Acrimonious Dragon.

And Finally, My Reply: (which I have not sent… should I? Should I send her a response, or should I just ignore her foolish misguided rants?) (Red text below is more explanation, NOT part of my reply)

Wow, First of all, you mention me “laughing”, but I am not laughing AT ALL, in fact I am utterly disgusted with how WRONG you are! … Except that Sean and I can’t stand each other, which you got right. But first let me tell you why (at least a couple of the reasons):  I hate Sean because he treats his daughter like shit. He makes her cry, He hurts her, He neglects her and I have to pick up the pieces of her continuously broken heart. I despise him as only a mother can. Here is why I believe Sean Hates me: I call him out on his bullshit. He hates that I left him. He hates that I am no longer fooled by his lying manipulative ways. He hates that he cannot control me. So here is a bit of background for you … (whether you believe it or not, I do not care) But if you are going to throw your “2 cents” into the mix, you should probably know more than the lies he has been telling you …. I left Sean because he was abusive (I won’t get into those details, but I could write a novel). I was pregnant and had a baby to protect. I left (Mid Alberta) and moved home to the Maritimes. I called Sean almost daily during my pregnancy, why? Because he is her father. He was drunk everyday (as usual). For 5 months I called all the time. Listened to his slurring nonsense, his occasional threats, but made sure he knew the due date and how things were going and where I was and stuff like that … he never seemed to give a shit. But “I” kept trying. Because I too grew up with My mother keeping my father from me. I wasn’t about to do this to Sean (or Kyia!), no matter what a piece of shit he was/is. I wanted my child to have a father. He stayed in Mid Alberta the entire length of my pregnancy; he gave me no support or assistance, financially, or emotionally. I had to live off friends and family because it was a difficult pregnancy and I was barely able to walk let alone work. Did Sean care? Nope, too busy in Mid Alberta partying and sleeping with whatever he could. So I went into Labour 36 hours and had Kyia with Sean nowhere to be seen. He finally showed up to the hospital the day AFTER Kyia was born… HIGH AS A FUCKING KITE!!! He met his daughter on god knows what drugs he was on … but even the nurses were concerned with his state (one of the nurses actually asked me if they should call security!! I obviously told them no!).  When I first brought Kyia home from the hospital he spent a lot of time with us… mostly passed out drunk and/or high. He picked a fight nearly every day. (As a side note: I had a few infections after birth and was in pain and moved very slowly for 3-4 months after having her). Quite often Kyia would pee in her diaper at feeding time and he would lose his fucking mind, “change her, she fucking stinks!” he would scream. No matter how much I argued that I would change her when she was done feeding because she is hungry and her diaper is not that full, he would scream and holler and threaten me (He honestly believed that even a tiny dribble of pee needed to be changed immediately, if he had his way, Kyia’s diaper would be changed every 30 damn seconds!!!). On a few occasions, my sister, Bree, who was staying with me would take Kyia and hide in her room, while I had to kick Sean out because he would not stop fighting and screaming… But I always let him back in a day or 2 later … So Kyia would have a dad. I often wish I didn’t, but I did. I moved to another apartment when Kyia was 2-3 months old. It was on at this apartment that I made the decision that Sean could see/take Kyia but ONLY supervised. He is an abusive drunk … no way in hell am I leaving my daughter alone with that!!  I want her to know her father and have him in her life, but I want her SAFE! Sean lived with his dad, Eamon. Eamon was with his wife Orla at this time and I trusted both Eamon and Orla. So I agreed to allow Kyia to spend time at their Place. She went over a few times (When it was convenient for Sean). I tried to make a schedule with him at this time and his exact words were “Go fuck yourself cunt, I will take her when I can” So she would sporadically go; 1 weekend here, 1 day there, 2 weekends in a row then no word from him for months.  When HE had time for her, it was/is all about HIM. Sometimes he would come spend time with her at my place… or so he would have people believe. He would come over hold her for a few minutes, I would feed her, change her, comfort her when crying and ALL of the parental stuff (I am not sure he EVER changed her). When she would go for her nap, Sean would either make some feeble attempt at sex(which never worked) or pick a fight. More often than not, his visits would end in me kicking him out (sometimes physically shoving him out the door) because of him acting like a jerk in one way or another. He would tell everyone I kicked him out for no reason. He would tell everyone that I wouldn’t let him see his daughter…. You know … the stuff he still says. I actually remember 1 phone conversation quite vividly (this is how fucked up he is)

Sean: Can I see Kyia this weekend?

Me: We don’t have any plans so yeah sure.

Sean (screaming): You fucking cunt you can’t keep my daughter from me!!!

Me (shocked as hell): What the Fuck are you talking about… I just said you can take her.

Sean: (Still screaming): You are always keeping her from me, I will take you to court, You (insert multiple name-calling curse words here)

Me: (screaming back at this point) Who the fuck is with you?

Sean: (and yet still screaming): No one you stupid cunt, I just want to see my daughter!!

Me: (Still Screaming back) You Moron!! You are obviously trying to convince someone that I am keeping her from you, good luck with that. (Hung up phone)

Another time “I” ASKED him to take her. He said yes, then when we were on our way he called back and said no, never mind, he was going out. I had made plans for dinner with friends so I asked his brother Conner to watch Kyia for a couple hours and he initially said yes, then he called back minutes later and apologized that he couldn,t watch Kyia because Sean said he wasn’t allowed!!!

For a second time (Kyia was around 6 or 7 this time) I tried to make a schedule for Sean where he would have her every other weekend AND 1 night every week! I put it all together with a letter and a calendar in a little package and gave it to him, thinking this will surely end this feud. He ripped it up and called me every name in the book and saying things like “I can’t do this I have to work” ….. Ummm …. SO DO I!!! My response was “find a sitter like the rest of us parents do!!”  I was a single mom going to school full time and working!! But his job was of course more important … Shit it’s not like he paid child support to help pay for the child care I had/needed!!!!

Do you see where this is going yet Elly?

On MULTIPLE occasions Kyia herself asked Sean if she could go to his house and he ALWAYS had an excuse … I am working. I am busy. I am going out of town. There was always something.

He has made plans with her and then just not shown up, no phone calls, nothing. And for years I lied for him. Daddy probably had to work honey. There was probably an emergency. (knowing full well that he was out getting drunk or high or both) I stopped lying when Kyia was around 6 or 7 and simply would say: “I am not sure, you will have to ask daddy” This is a perfect response, I am not “bashing him” by telling her the truth and hurting her more, and I am no longer a big Liar.

When People are “around he “pretends to care about Kyia and act like it is all me. But Let me tell you Elly, when no one is around to hear him, he Says things a lot differently. He is very sneaky and conniving. The MAIN reason that I do not talk to him is because he will do 1 of 3 things.

  1. Make up an imaginary conversation for whoever is beside him to think the worst of me
  2. Be all fake and nice to put on a show for whoever is near him
  3. The REAL conversation. Where no-one is around and there are no witnesses to hear him call me every name in the book. Yell obscenities at me and threaten me.

So No, I do not speak to him. I do not allow him to play these games with me. IF there is something he needs to know I will text him, you or call his Dad. That is it.

Neither of you has a fucking clue how much I have lied for him and defended him to her; as to hope she will grow up NOT hating him. You think I tell her all this shit, well,  I do NOT! When he “beat up” his ex and went to jail, (Note that his story is that she attacked him and he pushed her away and she broke her ankle) I did NOT tell Kyia! I fucking lied for him (because Sean was supposed to take Kyia somewhere that weekend)! When he doesn’t show up for plans, I lie for him!! When He Lies to her, I make excuses for him. When he screams at her, I make more excuses!! I am out of lies and just about out of excuses!

When I was working out west (I worked in the oil sands, 2 weeks away and 1 week home) I made it clear to all who watched Kyia (My mother, My grandmother and my sister), that IF Sean called and wanted Kyia for a day or weekend (with the exception of my week home of course), he had priority … yeah, even then, “I” kept trying. But how often did that actually happen … And YES, Sean was informed of this “rule” as well!!

While out here in Alberta, Kyia said to me “why doesn’t daddy love me” I sat down with her and in a long drawn out way said “Your dad loves you, he just has no idea how to show and display it”

Yes I have slipped up and called him an asshole in front of her … But it is typically on an occasion where she is crying after talking to him… because HE MADE HER CRY!!

So with that all said (and trust me hun, this is a minimal amount of information … I have HUNDREDS (thousands?) more incidents I could tell you about) I will NOW reply to SOME of the things you mentioned in your lovely uninformed note and text message… (I will only respond to SOME for 2 reasons … 1. I replied to some in the explanation above. 2. Some of your comments and/or accusations are so ridiculous that they are not worthy of a response… sorry)

YOU: But unlike most men who dont want nothing to donwith their child he does he misses her an loves hervas much as you. I just dont understand why I guess this keeps going on. The two of you dont have to or never have to get along ever. But it has to stop effecting the parenting part

ME: I do not doubt he loves her. I doubt he knows what to do about it. I think he needs help. I think he is mentally ill and seriously needs help. He is violent and angry. He is delusional and believes his own lies … It is scary really. “This” whatever it is, is NOT affecting “the parenting part”. I am Kyia’s parent. I have always been her ONLY Parent. I am raising a beautiful, smart, kind and considerate young woman with no assistance from her biological father. Parenting is not being affected. Kyia’s emotional damage from her father is the only thing being affected and I am dealing with that on a daily basis.

YOU: I know hes an ass we all know that but he has made big changes an deserves a second chance

ME: A SECOND CHANCE!!!! Sean has had more chances than ANYONE ever deserves!!!

YOU: . I know ur laghing or just dont care but u should you have someone who WANTS to be a dad but cant.

ME: If Sean wanted to be a dad, he had MANY opportunities to do so … He fucked every one of them up.

YOU: An this ONE day crap u pulled down here that right there was a control thing my ex does itcall the time an u know something you shouldnt go back on your word on things an yes Kyia wanted to do supper but u knew damn well Sean wouldnt do that

ME: WOAH. I got news for you. Kyia did not at all enjoy her time with her dad. THAT is why she wanted me there. She felt awkward and uncomfortable. And For your information, I TRIED to convince her to spend a couple hours with him, SHE CRIED!!!!!  I offered Sean a full day Monday (and secretly told Kyia that IF she wanted she could stay overnight and spend Tuesday and I would pick her up at 4 on Tuesday providing SHE wanted to) SEAN chose not to book a day off, not my problem. He was told at least 4 weeks ahead of time that we would be in town from the 13th to the 20th He could have booked that whole week off or even called in sick Monday… (MY DAD took the whole week off just to make sure he would be available when we were free… just saying) … about dinner … She only said she wanted to see him again before we left because he put her on the spot … AND I WAS willing to put up with him, for Kyia, over dinner… a man who continuously hurts my daughter, who breaks her heart, who makes her cry … I was willing to suck it up for HER, I even told Kyia that if daddy showed up I might sit at another table so he could have a bit of privacy with her . We sat there for over 2 hours, because she HOPED he would show up. So where exactly do Sean’s priorities lay? They are not with his daughter!!!

YOU: I think you an daddy should spend alone time you went with it an that was terrible. Anyways im frustrated with all this back an forth u need to be a mom an tell her not ask. Tell her to call her father spend time with him.

ME: No, I do not and will not force her to call, talk to or see her dad anymore… because despite me keeping all this BAD information from her, he continues to show her what a piece of shit he is ALL ON HIS OWN!

IF and when SHE chooses to speak to him it is at her discretion. She has her own phone and will answer it when SHE wants …. Kind of like he would only see her when He wanted … Karma is a bitch ain’t she…

YOU: This is the most fucked up situation I have seen an it needs to stop ur a lucky woman for a man to want his child in his life an want to give you a break by having her for 2 weeks but you cant give up the control.

ME: SERIOUSLY!!!! 1. LUCKY! After reading the above, do you still think I am lucky … or would you like to hear MORE!! 2.  I gave him the stipulations on her going there for 2 weeks and he basically told me to go fuck myself. She could have gone. HE fucked that up NOT me!!! All he had to do was sign the papers stating I have full custody to avoid court, I HAVE full custody anyway, I always had full custody, because Kyia Always lived with me.  I just needed the legal documents so I can take her to Disneyland. We have tried to get him to send a “permission note” so we could cross the border before … He DIDN’T!! So I needed the legal documents so we don’t need his permission to go to Disneyland or shopping across the border or anywhere! He also had to Pay for HER part of the trip and agree to bring her to see my grandmother for a couple hours each week. That was it, Sign papers, pay her flights, and visit Kyia’s great-nanny twice… he refused it all and got nothing. His problem. NOT mine.

He will ONLY see her at his discretion Elly. It has ALWAYS been like that. It is about him, not Kyia. And he can not accept that I will NOT allow that. It SHOULD be about Kyia and her Needs and wants … NOT HIS!

Now on to your text message…

YOU: “I” pay for this place my car all the bills cause he can’t afford to after he pays for food an his two bills that’s it money gone

ME: I am not surprised you pay for everything, He is a mooch. I worked 2 jobs to support his ass at one time. When he did work, he spent all his money on booze and/or drugs. I still paid ALL the bills!!! But alas, I too made excuses for him, just as you are. In the last 14 years I have known him, he has either lived with a woman and/or his father … think about that.

YOU: he doesn’t mind paying for his daughter at all

ME: Oh? Then why does child support ONLY get paid when the courts track him down and garnish his wages? Why is it ANY TIME I have EVER asked him to buy something for her, he refuses!! (with the exception of 2 winter jackets… which I honestly believe Eamon paid for, NOT Sean!) I have had to ask his father to help with things for her on a couple of occasions, because I needed Diapers or food. That sure sounds like someone who wants to support his daughter….

YOU: now you want to fuck him completely over with a bigger payment.

ME: I only want what is fair for Kyia. I pay everything for her and always have. He pays next to nothing, and ONLY when it is forcefully taken from him via garnished wages. Even with what I “asked” for, this is only a small percentage of Kyia’s expenses. The courts will be fair and adjust it to where it needs to be.

YOU: You not only hurting him ur screwing with me also

ME: I am sorry you feel you are caught in the middle. But this is the place you are choosing to be. There is nothing I can do about that. I truly am sorry you are hurting over this. My intentions are what is best for Kyia, not to “screw” anyone over.

YOU: you don’t want to piss me off Shawna.

ME: I surely hope this is not a threat Elly. I truly do. As I know you are upset, due to believing Sean’s Lies, I am willing to let that slide and pretend it was not said for the time being.

YOU: Let that man see his daughter when she’s around at least give him that for god sakes he wants her for a week I think he should get her

ME: He has had so many chances to see her. He screws them up, not me. The choice is up to Kyia now

So to sum up Elly; I appreciate that you care about Kyia, but, I think you better KNOW ALL sides before you throw your 2 cents in. Also as a side note, If you EVER attempt to guilt my daughter again, you will be blocked from her. I know you think you were only trying to help by sending her that text message, but you upset her a lot. There was nothing really “bad” to speak of, other than you made her feel bad. Her father neglects her and she has to deal with that and then you make her feel bad about being upset with his neglect. Not good. Not good at all. She has every right to feel the way she does about her father, because HE made her feel that way. Not Me or anyone else. HE did it all on his own.