Category Archives: Happiness

Welcome to my Nerdfest!!

I am a Nerd. I am also a geek. And pretty Dorky. I know it. I accept it. I love it. I own it.

…AND The Calgary Comic Expo starts tomorrow!! So what better than a nerdy blog post to wind up!!

I obsess. I really obsess over some things. My newest and current big obsession is Dungeons and Dragons! How did I not play this years ago!! So much fun … Ok I will get into that in a minute. I obsess over some of the typical nerdy things, TV shows, games, movies, and occasionally some nerdy science related shit…i8sumpipiLike π … who doesn’t fucking love Pi(e)!!! It is so functional and delicious. You can’t determine the size of your pie without Pi. I mean really 3.14159265359…what a beautiful number. We still have not found the end of Pi, I mean we are talking TRILLIONS of places and still no end in sight, it is astonishing really … Right, Obsessing. But there is some “Typical” nerdy shit that I don’t care for … for example, Not a huge Harry Potter Fan… *Cowers* don’t hurt me! The movies were ok and the books were good, but not obsess worthy to me. Star Treks … Love TNG and Enterprise and some of the movies ….but the original, DS9 and Voyager… not my cup of tea … oh Tea, I love tea. A nice cup of tea while reading is so delightful … off topic, oops. Comic Books. Don’t like em. Minecraft … Ulgh. I guess those are the big ones that have actually had people spew “You don’t like ‘that’! You are not a true nerd!”…Seriously. Judgemental fucks.

I don’t really consider myself a “gamer” … but I probably am. I mean I love games, but I am pretty picky I think. There are so many games (video and board) that I really can’t get into, just not my thing …those would mostly be war/shooting games typically. I like board games, but so few are 2 player (For me and my daughter to play…Finn is usually too fucking busy on his computer watching stupid Youtube videos … no no really…flat earth stupid). If I had to pick a fav board game … Nope, cannot pick just one. I am not a huge monopoly fan, BUT I own Princess Brideopoly! So that is a top of the list pick along with Dixit, Scattergories, Flipping Out and Supernatural Clue which was one of my favourite birthday gifts from my Kyia and my Finn. They know me so well. And adult time brings everyone’s new fav – Cards against Humanity. I love a couple of the old GaldraeAtari games…Space Invaders and Yars Revenge!! My favs!! ♥ So much so that I bought a “new” Atari console with 101 games … just for those 2! I used to play Evony, and I miss Lord of Ultima so very much. I occasionally play the Wii that I spent a small fortune on when it first came out. When I do, it is usually Lego Star Wars or Zelda: Twilight Princess.  I am “For the Horde” in World of Warcraft and always play a caster. I am no good with melee, and well…. MAGIC!!!  My 2 mains (Favs) are a Troll Warlock and a Blood Elf Mage…I even played back when it was just Warcraft! D&D, my current obsession as I mentioned above needs a whole paragraph to itself …

D&D = LOVE!!!DnD
Love playing, love watching, love learning, love buying, love making … fucking love it all!! Wizard. That is my thing. I am trying out all of the magical characters… but Wizard! I was only introduced to D&D in January …Seriously, 3-4 months ago!! How have I been deprived for so long!?! I quickly joined a (second) D&D group to play and may indulge in another for a weekly weeknight adventure. I bought books, modules, novels, miniatures, dice, more dice (I am now obsessed with Dice), I made a battlemat (it’s rough, but it works), I create characters like it is my fricking job, I even started DMing an adventure (thanks Matt Mercer, you are my inspiration for that one) … Not sure I like DMing though, but I fucking love playing!! I started looking on you tube for D&D how to’s, tips, and such… then I fell upon Heaven *Cue heavenly music*…CRCritical Role!!!! I saw Felecia Day on an episode of this D&D thing and seeing how I adore Felicia, The Grand Fucking Dutchess of Nerds, I thought I would give it a looksee ….OMFG! The best looking and most talented fucking group of nerds I have ever seen. Playing D&D. Online. Live. Weekly. And they are voice actors, so their role playing is fucking amazing! I am in awe with each episode. It is the Nerd soap opera I have been waiting for. I laugh, I cry, I sit on the edge of my seat, and occasionally I drool. (I have a huge ass crush on Matt Mercer, and a bit of a crush on Liam O’Brien, but they are all decent looking and uber nerdy!!). fi_CR2I mean come on… LOOK AT THEM!

What Nerd/Geek doesn’t have a long ass list of TV shows and movies that they obsess over … I don’t want to sit here for 1528 hours typing out all the shit I love … So just some of the, well…obsessions. PRINCESS BRIDE!!! the-princess-bride-poster.jpgBest fucking movie ever made. Ever. I could literally watch multiple times every day…or act it out if you prefer. AND Wallace Shawn will be at the Calgary Expo this year…So fucking excited!!! Oh you know I have my photo op booked! Inconceivable! OK what else …Labyrinth, Goonies, A Knight’s Tale,  Boondock Saints, Percy Jackson movies, Wrath and Clash of the Titans, Monty Python and the holy Grail… and well, Monty Python, Immortals, Divergent Series, Willow, Evil Dead Trilogy, all the Lord of the rings, all of the Hobbits, all the marvel superhero movies!! …wait except the Amazing spiderman movies… I hated those 2, so very disappointing. But Thor, cum on now…drool and swoon. Serenity is another, and oh how could I forget the Star Wars’ and Star Treks …but not the original Star treks… ick, I guess that’s as good of a lead into TV shows as any… So many TV shows. I guess I better start with Star Trek … As I have mentioned before, TNG and Enterprise, that is it. Janeway’s (spelling?) voice makes me want to punch her in the face and gouge out my ears and DS9 is just meh. EASY! It’s just my opinion. No, I am not a full-fledged “Trekki” but I know (most of) the characters and do fucking love TNG, likely because I have a weird crush on Jean-Luc Picard and I LOVE Enterprise! supernatural-dl-2I, like many women, obsess over supernatural and all of its hotness. My Favs… Charlie and Crowley. There is of course the show everyone is crazy over… No not Walking Dead! Have no interest in watching that one. Yeah yeah, “but it is so good!” “But Jeffery Dean Morgan is in it now” “But NORMAN REEDUS!!”but this and but that, but nothing. I don’t want to watch it. Whether it is because Zombie shows do not interest me, because the hype is too big or just that I have too fricking many shows that I am watching… just let it go. I meant that OTHER show that everyone is crazy about, Game of Thrones!! George R. R. Martin is one sadistic dude. It is fucking Awesome!! I also so fucking love Reign and the Tudors and pretty much anything medieval (ISH) CR1you put in front of me…maybe that is why I fell so hard in love with D&D? There is also the IT crowd, Big Bang theory, Arrow, Legends of Tomorrow, X-files, Firefly, and my sad it is over, but even more sad that the ending SUCKED, guilty pleasure, Vampire Diaries. Also, Critical Role!!
Yes, I did have to throw that in there!!

I do love to read and wish I had more time to read even more….but comics, not my thing. Although I am not a “comic book nerd” I have loved Stan Lee from the moment I knew he was the creator of Spiderman!! spideyAt 5 years old, I was determined that I was going to marry Spiderman. Not Peter Parker. Spiderman. He is my man. I remember moving into a new apartment (I was 4 or 5 ish). My mother made sure the TV came in first. Stuck it on the floor, plopped me in front of it, put on an episode of Spiderman and I did not move…They were free to unload without having to worry about me… I was with my boyfriend. At last years Comic expo I finally got to meet the man who had been an idol (and obsession) to me for as long as I can remember. I got my pic taken with Stan Lee and his Autograph. I unfortunately missed his Panel due to an illness and a trip to the hospital. Also, my dream of meeting Stan Lee was not as exciting as I wanted/expected it to be, thanks to travelling around the expo with Mr. Cranky pants and Miss Sicky Girl (guess who is ditching those 2 this year… That’s right, this girl!!). It was devastating because he announced that this would be his last visit to Canada … and my experience was less than par … don’t get me wrong, still the most exciting moments of my fucking life… but not what they should have been. Well when the Expo sent out the email a couple weeks ago, stating that Mr. Stan Fucking Lee was coming back, I cried. I literally cried like a little fucking baby. The tears of joy poured from my lacrimal glands. But guess what. I am going alone this time bitches!! Photo and autograph is all for me!!! (Neither of them really care, but I am going to try to rub it in anyway) …I need a new Spidey Shirt…

Yay! A new spidey shirt … I may have a problem with Nerdy T-shirts. The problem is that they cost money (Which I don’t have much of) and I want them ALL!! Teefury, Teevillian and shirtpunch are my vice. I have ordered so many shirts from their daily tees … it is just scary. Mash-up shirts are just …I just … well they are kind of … I cannot even explain the deep emotion that overwhelms my when I see a mash-up shirt of 2 things I love. I am getting teary eyed thinking about it.

I have a thing for Nerds too. I mean not gross nerds…If you are a big disgusting slob, living in your mother’s basement, haven’t showered in weeks and have week old pizza sauce stuck in the beard that has grown over the weeks of not moving from your computer chair and when you do finally get up you have to literally peel yourself from the chair …well you are not my type…and I don’t even have a type. nathan-fillion-1-sizedBut the likes of Matthew Mercer, Nathan Fillion, Jon Bon Jovi, Liam O’Brien, Vin Diesel, Johnny Galecki, and my daughter’s science teacher Mr. L, well they sure get my juices flowing…I may even have a small secret crush on Wil Wheaton… shhhhh. Oh and we can’t leave out Hugh Jackman and his handsome good looks that go lovely with his superior intelligence … I know, I know “down girl, go take a cold shower”. I can’t help it, intelligence and nerdiness just do it for me…especially if they are good looking too!! But don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to be “known” for your brains to be attractive, I am sure Jason Statham is very smart…. But who the fuck cares! My God that man oozes manliness… and that body … and Jesus, the things I would do to him … ok. Cold shower, Be right back…

OK Time to move away from the cute boys topic…Maybe I should get into my inspiration for writing this blog … Calgary-Logo-no-dateCalgary Comic Expo – Every Fucking Year….Well since I moved out this way anyway. I spend way too much money to meet, get Autographs and/or photo ops with all my fan-girl favs!! Last year there were 2 biggies! Of course the legend that is Stan Lee and JOHN FUCKING BARROWMAN!! I was ecstatic! This year is going to be just as amazing…if not more so! Stan again, Wallace Shawn, Peter Capaldi, Nathan Fillion, and Ruth Connell to name just a few! Plus I ALWAYS look forward to the vendors … they are pricy… but I don’t care!! NERD MERCH!! Last year I found an amazing vendor who made teeny tiny origami jewelry!! I am on the hunt this year for some cool D&D stuff…of course as well as all my other favourite fan-girl merch and some Birthday and Christmas gifts for my Nerdy-ass friends and family!! My excitement cannot be contained! Eeeeek … time to go start getting my shit together and ass ready. Excited!!! How jealous are you?!? :p


Happy Thanksgiving!! (Canadian Edition)

Thanksgiving Day in Canada is today, October 12, 2015.


Turkey day, as some like to call it (including myself, facetiously, on occasion), Is celebrated mostly in North America. Canada, the USA, Grenada, Saint Lucia and Puerto Rico all celebrate Thanksgiving as do Liberia and Norfolk Island. Thanksgiving is celebrated on different days in each place, but I am Canadian and as such, today is my Thanksgiving Day.

To some Thanksgiving day is a religious event. A day to pray to their lord and saviour (or whatever deity they choose to worship) and give extra thanks for all that you have. To some Thanksgiving is all about the food, giving thanks for the years harvest being the main “thanks” and then pigging out on the spread of the year (although there are some who only see thanksgiving day as a feast for the day and a paid day off work). For the most part, no matter what way you look at it, the day is about giving thanks.

In today’s day and age, people (NOTE: When I say people, I am generalizing and do not mean ALL people. I mean some people) seem to take for granted the things they have. People seem to think that they are “owed” what they have and more. People seem to think that they don’t have to work for what they want. Today’s world seems to be filled with greedy, selfish, money/power hungry, self-centred ungrateful humans. It makes me sick. So to avoid being one of these people I am always thankful for what I have and I am always appreciative for what receive. I may not always say it, and I may not always show it, but I am, deep down, grateful for everything and everyone in my life, everyday.

Thanksgiving Day to me.

To me, Thanksgiving is about giving thanks where thanks are due. Thanksgiving is about being thankful and digging deep into your conscience to find all that you are truly thankful for, no matter how vast or minuscule.I am grateful for the goods and the bads. I appreciate the ups and the downs. I am thankful for the friends and the enemies. I am grateful for the happys and the sads. I am appreciative of the loves and the hates. I am thankful for the pleasures and the pains  All of these things mould me. They have sculpted me into the woman I have become. Every new moment; good, bad, love filled or crowded with hate, provides room for more growth to my identity. Every delight revises my soul. Every heartache modifies my being. Every comfort adds to my essence. Every despair transforms my spirit. Every moment changes me. And for each of these instances, I am ever thankful.

Some specific things I am personally thankful for (Note the following is a tiny minuscule percentage of all that I am thankful for)

I am thankful for Coffee.

I am thankful for My daughter. Kyia is the love of my life. Without her presence in my life, my life might be meaningless (I know, no life is actually meaningless, but I was at a pretty low point in my life when I discovered my pregnancy). Her birth brought light to my dark world, happiness to my depression. She is the reason I strive for better. She is the cause of my joy. She is the calm of my storm. She is perfection.

I am thankful for “The Princess Bride”.Princess bride

I am thankful for my Best friend, Declan, He is always there, for over 20 years he has been the brother I never had. He drove me anywhere I needed to go… until …He helped me find my first vehicle and taught me to drive. He payed for (most of, if not all) the tools I needed for school because I could not afford it and my scholarships would not cover them. He usually listens to me vent (or maybe not so much listen, but he just let’s me vent). He has been the only positive male figure in Kyia’s life from the day of her birth. He would do just about anything for my little girl. He is kind. He is thoughtful. He is smart. He is a nerdy Trekkie and He is my best friend.

I am thankful for knowledge.

I am thankful for Viona. For over 30 years this woman has been my shoulder. She is always there when I need to pour out my heart and soul. She is the only person who has seen me at my best, my worst, my happiest and my saddest. She is the only person I willingly let see me cry and breakdown. She is always that ear that listens. She tells me shit straight. If she thinks I am being an idiot, she will tell me. There is no-one on this earth (not “blood” related, such as Kyia or Nanny) that I love more. She has a heart of gold. She is a wonderful mother. She is forgiving. She is helpful. She is my sister by choice and she is the best sister anyone could ask for.

I am thankful for stress.

I am thankful for my job. Although most of the time I very much dislike my place of employment or at lease some of the “higher -ups” and co-workers, I am thankful that I have a job. I am thankful that the majority of the people with-in the company that I do actually like are located in my local office whereas the ones I do not much care for are NOT located in my office. I am thankful that I have a Monday-Friday job that allows me to go home to Kyia each and every day. I am thankful I have a job that provides me with an income that is enough to support myself and Kyia and not have to rely on others (much) for assistance. I am thankful for (some of) my co-workers who I do enjoy talking to.

I am thankful for long weekends.long weekend

I am thankful for Sean. Yes you read that correctly. Without him I would not have conceived Kyia. Without him, Kyia and I would not have the strong bond that we have. His neglect and abuse resulted in mine and Kyia’s bond being unbreakable (I say before the teenage years approach … will I still say this in 2-8 years haha). So yes, I am even thankful for Sean.

I am thankful for sleep.haz_a_nap.png

I am thankful for Finn. They say one finds love when one is not looking. Well I definitely was not looking when I met Finn. We worked for the same company (away from home). My first impression was … yeah right douche, you’re cute, but you likely have a wife and kids back home. I was wrong. Thankfully. When he did finally have me convinced he was in fact single, it was still a difficult situation as we lived thousands of miles apart. But thankfully, fate (if you believe in that sort of thing) brought us together. He is Handsome. He is Kind. He is Honest. He is Loyal. He is an Uber nerd and I love him.

I am thankful for restaurants.

I am thankful for Bree. There is a lot of history with my sister. (Bree’s story is a whole other post… or series of posts) We used to be very close. Despite the fact that I very much dislike her now as a person, I still love her. She has done a lot for me and I for her. I miss her most days. I miss that we used to be best friends. I miss that we used to trust one another. I am thankful that she was a part of my life and hopeful that she will be again.

I am thankful for long hot bathsHot bath

I am thankful for Social Media. I know, I know. I too have the typical love-hate relationship with facebook (I will use the term facebook to mean all social media). I hate the drama and the bullshit posts from some friends (I use the term friend loosely to mean all friends on facebook, family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, or just people I know/knew). I hate the times I look at a friends post and think to myself “are you really that stupid”. I hate the times I look at my own posts and think “are you really that stupid”. Most days I just want to shut it all down, delete my profile and abandon everyone just to alleviate the annoyance that some induce. YES, I would not know what most of my friends ate last night, or that they have a cold again, or that they are flipping mad at the world and need to vent on facebook daily, or that “Oh my Gawd, You are dumb as a rock, how am I friends with you!” or whatever else may be annoying to me that day … But without facebook I would not be able to keep in contact with most friends. I would not see the pictures of my friend’s trip to Montreal. I would not be able to chat with my friend in NB who has no phone. I would not see the pictures of my friend in NS’s baby growing into a toddler and eventually a teenager. I would not be able to offer condolences when a friend on the other side of the country’s loved one passes away. I would not be able to re-connect with “old” friends that I have not seen in years. I would have no idea that I have many photographer friends who all take amazing and beautiful pictures. I would never know that my friend in NB got married last week. I would not know that many of my friends are in similar situations as myself and/or as each other. I would not know that my friend in BC’s child’s birthday is today. I would not know that my friend has been to more concerts than I could ever imagine. I would not know that my friends are doing ok. I would have no one sharing new recipes, fun quotes, silly jokes or those cute animal videos. And, I would not be able to share my life with them. So, I am thankful for facebook and I am thankful for those who I call “friend”.

I am thankful for orchids.

I am thankful for books. How can anyone not love books. I could read and read and read… wait…lately it has been listen and listen and listen, oh the sweet sound of audio books. Whether you prefer to pick up a physical book and turn the paper pages (if you have time for that sort of thing) or you like the Kindle app glowing at your touch or you like the soothing sound of someone else reading to you, books are amazing. Should I be thankful for books or authors here? BOTH! I am thankful for books. I am thankful for the authors. I am thankful that I can read.

I am thankful for music.


I could go on and on and on and on and on and on (you get the picture) about the things I am thankful for big and small, but seeing how I would like to post this today and not in 143 years (that is my guess as to how long it would (consecutively) take to type out all I am thankful for…Yes, that much), I will end it here.

So, this is me being thankful for you.

Finn… My love story

I was working away from home when I met Finn. I know a lot of love stories start with “I knew I wanted him as soon as I saw him” or “It was love at first site” or something along those lines, but It wasn’t like that here. Probably because I was cranky and bitter and missed home. I wasn’t looking for love or even friends, I just wanted to work in order to provide for Kyia and then go home and spoil her with time, love and shopping.

Owl Love you Forever

I am not going to lie, I did notice him right from day 1. (Well, day 1 being the day I met him, which was actually day 8 of this job, we will call JobKL). He made sure I noticed him. Looking back, I see it all now. like they say hind-sight is 20-20.

He walked into the trailer my “crew” used as both a lunch room and (work) shop (he was on a different crew and a different shift than I) wearing his baggy blue overalls, big work boots and blue company hardhat which he lined with white electrical tape. He spewed out a very cheery “Good Morning”  as he walked over to a stool he intended to use as his work-space for the next week or so. I looked up to see his deep blue eyes smiling at me. I must admit that I did immediately think “oh he is a cutie”, but that was it and I muttered back, “Good Morning”. Every morning for the first couple-few weeks, it was the same thing, those stunning blue eyes smiling looking at me flirtatiously as he gleefully announced his presence with a “Good morning!”. I thought nothing of this and paid little attention other than to reply with a good morning. A couple days went by when us smokers (Note: I quit 10 months ago and no longer smoke. YAY me!!) discovered a closer “smoke pit” to our trailer. We started to use this closer one. It seems Finn used this one as well. There was no hesitation in his striking up conversation and including me in group conversations upon his first notice of me joining his crew’s spot for our scheduled smoke breaks. Sometime during our first (group) conversation (and many more times over the next couple months), he was sure to casually mention, multiple times, that he was single with no kids. Anytime anyone mentioned their wife or kid, he tossed his little “no wife or girlfriend here” or “I have no kids” or the more annoying, “I am not broke, I have no girlfriend or kids” into the mix. This No Wife/GF/Kids crap I did notice, I actually found it quite annoying and eye roll worthy (Now I realize he may have been trying to attract my attention to the fact he was available … and well I just wasn’t biting, yet). But I ignored the annoyance because I actually enjoyed talking to Finn. He was smart. I could actually have an intelligent conversation with someone. YAY! But I was cautious. No Girlfriend, wife or kids my ass. I don’t believe it for a second. Away from home at these “camp” jobs, more often than not, most (not all, but a large amount) of those guys will tell you they are single whether they are or not, just to get in your pants. And here is Finn, smart, handsome, nice, polite and single? Unlikely.

Eventually, during my second shift (which happened to be 3 weeks long and just before a 2 week Christmas break), Finn took things to another level (as chatting in the smoke pit was obviously not working at all), he started to sit with me at dinner, every chance he got. but I did not grant him the same courtesy (please keep in mind that I hated this place, I hated this job, I hated that I had to work away from Kyia, Also my previous “camp job” was HELL, I was bitter and cranky). Basically if I got to the dinner room first and had myself seated at a table, he would join me. If He was seated first (or not there), I sat alone. I just did not care for the company. I just wanted to eat, have my end of the day smoke and go to bed. On the days I ate alone, I rarely smoked alone. I think he waited until I was finished eating and then “followed” me out to the smoking area to strike up more conversation and spend more time with me?

Two days before Christmas vacation “go home day” Finn brought up a TV show that sounded very interesting to me. I mentioned that I would have to look that up as it sounded like something I might like to watch. DING! There is his in! Well he quickly informed me that he had the first 4 seasons on his laptop in his room and if I had a USB he would copy the seasons onto it for me. So He told me to bring my USB to dinner and he would transfer the seasons over. Cool I thought. So I did. Copying 4 seasons of a TV show takes a loooong time. So here is how that played out. We walked to his room and started the transfer. I stood next to the door and we chatted for a bit then he decided to mention that, hey since this is going to take at least an hour, would I like to watch an episode with him. Oh sure, why not. I will just sit right here on the edge of the bed (keep in mind this is a camp job. the rooms have a bed, a TV, a desk and chair. Finn is in the chair (at this time) so only the bed is free and I sure as hell wasn’t going to sit on his lap (I am still not convinced he is actually available, also, I just don’t want “anything” right now). The show starts and Finn sits on the bed beside me … now I am starting to think this may be a ploy to get me in the sack (I really had it in my head that all the men at these jobs were douche bag pigs, a lot are, but not all)… so NOT going to happen! We watched the show with nothing more than an arm around the shoulder/neck cuddly type move and a casually rejected attempt at a kiss. Minimal awkwardness. When the show was over, the copying was still not done, so we just agreed he would bring the USB with him next day.

Christmas break came and went. During that time, We became Facebook friends and started chatting back and forth during days off as well as during work shift.

Back to work after Christmas, I was a little more comfortable at this job than before (Believe it or not, this lack of hatred for this job had little to do with Finn and a lot to do with a little older man who restored my faith in humanity, but none the less, I was a bit less cranky). During this shift I changed positions and moved to a new trailer to assume my role in an office type position. This trailer happened to be one that was very close to the trailers used by Finn’s crew and was actually shared by some of them. Finn continued to, what I can only assume was, pursue me. Still with the sitting with me during dinner, still with standing beside me and engaging me in conversation in the smoking areas and still with the I have no girlfriend nonsense. But, I started to notice (a bit) more at this point (I am chalking that up to me being just a tad less miserable at JobKL). I noticed that when we were in a little group having our smoke break, Finn always moved to stand next to me. I noticed that although he had previously mentioned that he rarely went for a cigarette after dinner, yet he was out there with me every day. I noticed that he sat with me at dinner everyday, even when his “friends” or “buddies” were at another table. I noticed that he was pursuing me. We started hanging out a little more over the the course of this shift and the next.

During the following shift, I finally accepted that perhaps Finn is not only looking for a roll in the hay. Perhaps he is in fact singe/ available and actually interested in me. I did start to consider that our actual residences were thousands of miles apart but, what the hell, I let go, just a little. I mean we work for the same company, we will likely be on jobs together for a while. If it doesn’t work out, we can be put on separate jobs as the company has many jobs at many locations in the works. Also, we “live” too far away from each other for any awkward accidental run ins. (haha).  So, He won me over, for the most part. But this is still not the love story because it will still be months before I realize I Loved him (well when I finally allow myself to see it and admit it to myself), but it was fun and nice none the less. We spent most of our evenings at camp together. Still with the dinners and still with standing next to me during breaks. Except that now, if he were there first, I sat with him too. When I arrived back to work from my days off (at 9pm), he was always there to meet me and assist in bringing my bags to my room. He would often find (what seemed like) excuses to visit me in my office. We never displayed any type of affection in public. sure we hung out and ate together, but no googly eyes or hand holding or kissing for anyone to see. Although one day during our last shift he came in to my office and snuck a kiss, just a little one, a tiny peck. I think that may have been the moment I started to fall.

Everyone knew. Most thought we were just “sleeping together” (and they spread those rumours, which we denied right to the end of that job). But one person saw that it may be more than that. A co-worker on my crew who happened to know Finn and be a friend of his, we will call him Quinn. I liked Quinn, he was a little weird, but he was decent. On a trip back to work from days off, within minutes of arriving at camp, with Finn and I newly into the “seeing each other” stage, Quinn and I were chatting and somehow the topic of Finn being there for the arrival of the bus came up. Quinn gave me a look and said something like “He is waiting for you to arrive” Me still being in denial said. “No, he is just out having a smoke”. Quinn, who doesn’t like to beat around the bush much said something along the lines of “I have known Finn for a few years and he has never come out for a smoke after dinner, let alone at 9 at night. He really likes you and he is waiting for you” (Not what he actually said, but this is the summation and gist of it). I was taken aback a bit and really had nothing to say. Quinn rendered me speechless with a simple sentence (or 2). A rarity for sure. But it made me start to think and notice even more.

We spent the next few months together at work, during breaks and every evening. On days off we messaged back and forth daily. It was kind of nice, different, but nice.

After 7 months, JobKL was coming to an end. As it wrapped up, I wondered if this was it. Is this going to continue as a long distance relationship and on jobs together here and there or are we just going to go our separate ways. I visited his actual home at the end of this job and spent the weekend with him before heading home myself unsure as to whether or not we were continuing on … (Neither one of us are very good at those relationship talks, so we just kind of went with it and let the chips fall where they may). We continued to chat and keep in contact daily and a couple weeks(ish) after JobKL finished, Finn was placed at JobCL. He fairly quickly inquired as to whether or not they needed anyone with my skills and, voila, we worked our second job together the following shift. This led me to believe he wanted to continue on, and …wait … is this turning into an actual relationship??

On my first day, there were a few of us newbies to this site and Finn took charge to make sure we all knew where we were going. Not just me, but everyone. *sigh* He is so thoughtful and helpful. I think I fell a tiny bit more. Our time (meaning the time Finn and I spent together) at this job was fairly similar to the one at Job KL, pretty much always together. The only difference, we were on the same shift and therefore got to spend each whole shift together (minus working hours of course). As Finn started one shift before me, it turned out he also ended one shift before me. On his last day, I happened to be a bit sick. I was quite upset about this illness, which only made it worse. I did not know when I would next see Finn and I was stuck in the lunch trailer waiting for a drive back to camp because I was vomiting and nauseous (no I wasn’t pregnant! I had some stomach flu or something) instead of spending his last day with him, who wouldn’t be upset! When it was time for him to leave, he came into the trailer to find me still sitting there with my head down on the table, nauseous and barely able to move. he leaned down, whispered “feel better”, kissed the top of my head (falling more…) and left. As he was walking out the door to catch his ride home he said something along the lines of I will talk to you in a bit or I will text you later or something like that. He did.

He went directly to another job when he left JobCL as did I (too bad they were different jobs this time). My final job with this company actually. JobFS a hotel instead of a “camp”. His job location had him pretty much passing right through the area where I was (ok, it was a bit out of the way, but not much). He drove to work, as opposed to the typical work provided transportation, left a day early and stopped in to see me with every trip back to work. It always managed to be my day off (this (my) job had a different schedule than the previous ones, it was 6 days of work and 1 off for 30 (ish) days, but still away from home so we stayed for the 30(ish) days straight). So Finn would stop in on his way home spend the day and night with me and then continue his trek to work when I left for work in the morning.

JobFS ended and I spent the next 6 months jobless, not because the company had no work for me, but because I decided I can no longer do these away jobs. Spending this much time away from Kyia was mentally draining on both of us. I needed a local job. During these 6 months I spent 5 of them travelling to Finns place in Alberta every 3-4 weeks for a weekend here and 4 or 5 days there. This was tough (and expensive). When Kyia and I finally moved to Alberta (which was a decision based solely on what was best for myself and Kyia and Finn being there was not a factor, just an added bonus) was when I finally accepted that I was in love. It wasn’t until My daughter and Finn met (which was not until after we moved to Alberta) that I let myself feel it. When I saw that he was amazing with Kyia and she just adored him, I was hooked.

It has been just about a year and a half since I moved to Alberta and nearly 3 years since the day we met. We are now (pretty much) living together (he still has his place but 1. he is never there and 2. he is allowing a friend to basically sublet it for a bit) and I couldn’t be happier. (Well I could, I could win the lottery!)

I am so new

I am a new “blogger” If I like it, I will keep it up … If I don’t well, then I won’t.

This page is more of a test page than anything.

What do I want to blog? anything and everything … whatever is in my head at that time … I am not going to dedicate myself to 1 topic … like just reviews or only politics .. nope, my head is all over the place and so shall be my “blogs” … oh and just because I like it or agree with it today doesn’t mean I will tomorrow… 🙂


Happy day.