Category Archives: Friends

http://henniegurlluvez.blogspot.ca/2011/10/end-of-our-friendship.html

No break up is more heartbreaking than that of the betrayal of a best friend.

I have lost contact with a lot of “friends” over the years but she hurt me the most.

Nora and I had a complicated relationship. We hated each other, then loved each other, moved in together as roommates, stopped talking, friends again, and again and again, and then along came Byrne.broken-heart-painting-on-wall

A little history… Nora and I met in 1996 (I was 19-20 and she 16-17). She was pregnant with her first baby. The father (We will call him Laur) was one of my roommates and a scum bag that invokes a whole other story, but this story is about Nora. We hated each other at first. Not for any good reason, we were young, I drank … a lot … and Nora was pregnant, stuck around a bunch of drunks and has those “natural bitch eyes”. Laur made her terrified of me by telling her stories about how mean, and evil I was. Don’t get me wrong, I could be pretty mean and nasty if you pissed me off, but considering all I did for him, (for starters, He lived with us for free as he had no-where to live. Yes I was that person). Anyway, obviously I was not nearly as “evil” as he made me out to be, but I was very strong, confident, loud, vocal, and independent, so along with Laur’s lying horror stories, I scared the crap out of meek little Nora.

2 or 3 ish months after the baby (Corliss) was born, Nora and Laur (he moved out somewhere along the way … actually, I am pretty sure I may have told him to leave) had a house warming type party as they got themselves a new apartment. This is when Nora and I finally really started speaking and getting to know each other. She was not nearly as bitchy as her eyes portrayed and I was not as Evil as Laur portrayed me. We became friends.

Keep in mind that as I stated before, Laur was a scum bag. When Corliss was about 6-8 months old some (abusive and illegal type) shit went down between Nora and Laur, leaving Nora needing a place to live, me being that person who took in strays (for lack of a better term) invited Nora and Corliss to stay with me. I had another roommate at this time who hated Nora (she was actually quite jealous of the growing relationship between Nora and I), to the point where she would pick fights with her and literally wanted Nora out on the streets. To make this part of the story short, it got so bad that I kicked out the roommate and Nora stayed. We lived together for the next 2-3 years. We quickly became the best of friends ….

The best of friends except for 1 thing. Nora ALWAYS let men come between us. Usually “hers” but once, mine (…in her defence, she was right that time … he was an asshole).

Just about every time she got a boyfriend, she stopped talking to me, started a fight somehow, or, once she actually told me that we can’t hang out because the BF didn’t like me. Nora had a type. That type was possessive, controlling, abusive, assholes. Most of her boyfriends didn’t like me and I was ok with it. They were dirt-bag losers who thrived on intimidating “weak women”. I was far from weak and intimidated them instead. They hated that I did not cower and I figure they were very afraid my strength would rub off on their new slave. Sadly when Nora did find a “good guy” she would dump his ass pretty quick or wreck that relationship before it even started. Because of her choosing Men over everyone I always said, “Nora and I are not true friends. I keep going back for Corliss.” Don’t get me wrong, I love Nora, I still do, we went through a lot together and I was ALWAYS there for her, and she was ALMOST always there for me, but she was never a real friend to me and I knew it. Sure she listened to me vent (when she was single), and we hung out and partied together, we called each other daily and we did just about everything together … as long as a sack of shit narcissist was not controlling  or even just in her life. But she always put men first … even went as far as to sleep with some that I cared about …But I still loved her, like a sister even.

We only ever had 1 fight that did not involve a man in some way. It was the stupidest, dumbest fight ever! We were both cranky, hungover, out of smokes and caffeine. I think I will leave it at that.

publilius-syrus-quote-a-friendship-that-can-end-never-really-beganThen Nora met Gabor. I didn’t care much for him at first (likely because I thought he would be like all the rest). He was a drunk. I was in the process of coming out of my heavy drinking stage. But, He eventually grew on me … like a tumor. Why? Despite his drinking and extreme annoyance when drunk, he was a pretty good guy. He was not an over powering scuz bucket. He did not abuse Nora. He didn’t “control” Nora. He worked. He was fun. He was easy to talk to. If I called for Nora and she was out, Gabor took over as the ear to listen. He became one of my best friends too. You know when you hang out with a couple and you feel like a third wheel … I never felt that with Nora and Gabor. They were together for quite some time (Well it was over 8 years anyway). Got married had a baby and then separated and finally divorced. I stayed friends with both of them…

In late 2008 Nora met Byrne, the beginning of our end. He was a married (supposedly separated) man at the time, but that didn’t stop Nora. They started seeing one another. At first I thought this was great. I liked Byrne, I thought he was pretty cool and fun. In fact she met him through me (no, not as a set up). He was a friend of mine (or so I thought). Sure he flirted with and hit on me a few times, but I shrugged it off, because he flirted with lots of girls and was really friendly with everyone it seemed. When he and Nora started dating (I hoped) that would be the end of his hitting on chicks. Well it wasn’t. It was worse. We went out together one night, the three of us, and I was going to crash at Nora’s. Naturally so was Byrne. Well Nora was so Drunk that she went up to bed. Now if this was Gabor, we could have sat together all night, laughing, drinking and having a good time as friends. No hitting on me, no flirting with me. Just hanging out. Well this was NOT Gabor. Byrne came on strong. Byrne tried to “sleep” with me. In Nora’s House! Naturally I shoved him away from me (a couple times) and made him go to bed then I called a cab and went home. I couldn’t sleep there knowing that he was there and could try something on me at any time. And being intoxicated, when I passed out … I may not have woken up right away if he did try something. I was pissed off and left. I initially intended to tell Nora first thing in the morning but I thought 2 things, Nora will likely “choose him” and his story over me, and our friendship will end. So I kept it to myself, chalking it up to drunkenness, it won’t happen again. I won’t let it. I would not be alone or drunk around Byrne again. Nora and I drifted apart a bit, still called each other “friends” but it was ending. She would go to Byrne’s house for the night or weekend (which was directly across the street from me remember) and I wouldn’t even know. She wouldn’t call or visit. Neither her nor the kids.

In early 2009 (mid Feb), Gabor ran into a rough patch and I offered him a place to stay. He too was my friend after all and at this point a better friend than Nora. So he moved in. If you’ve read previous blogs, you know this is a bad habit I have, taking in “strays”.

Mid 2009 (June 30th actually, we were bringing in Canada Day) Nora, Byrne, myself and a few other people were partying at a bar on the boardwalk. It had been a while since I hung out with Nora, I missed my best friend and I was having a blast! Then Byrne ruined it. That fucking pig. He took me aside and tried to make out with me. When I pulled away, he said “why aren’t we together?” He told me he wanted me and always had. He went on and on about how we belong together and he is only with Nora because he is not with me and all kinds of bullshit of that nature. I tried to ignore him and walk away, but he was persistent. So I faked sick and went home. I again made the mistake of not telling Nora right away. I waited about a month. (But I believe for good reason) It was eating me alive. I knew I had to tell her, but I also knew it would ruin our friendship. Forever this time, I could just feel it. So i mulled it over and I talked to a lot of people and they convinced me to tell her. I wanted to tell her in person but she could not seem to find the time to meet with me. (I honestly believe to this day, that Byrne was trying to keep us apart to avoid me telling her… Little did he know, friends don’t matter to Nora, Men do.) Weeks went by and I just couldn’t wait any longer, so I sent her a message. Spilling everything. Everything about Byrne, a couple other events that pissed me off and how upset I was. A few emails/messages back and forth and that was it. End of friendship. Why? Well or 1. She completely ignored the part of the message where I told her that her married boyfriend (Who was infact still fully married, living part-time (weekends) with and sleeping with his wife… long story) is a cheating piece of shit. And 2. She then tried to blame me for our drifting apart!! What the actual fuck! First saying it was because I let Gabor move in with me. I came back with “Are you fucking kidding? This started WAY before he moved in!” Then she came up with some other excuse to shift any blame from her and Byrne. It was ridiculous. I couldn’t even believe what I was hearing/reading.

httpfavim.comimage1683910Over the next year we barely spoke. But our kids were all raised together, so we still shifted kids and had sleepovers. Then that stopped. Nora started making excuses and lies to keep her kids away from mine. Her youngest, who was best friends with Kyia, invited Kyia to her Birthday party. Days before the party, Nora UNINVITED HER! I kid you not. made up some lie about there not being a party. THIS made me lose it. I messaged Nora and went up one side and down the other. If she wants to hate me because her cheating boyfriend would have likely “chosen” me over her, given the chance, then fine. But who the fuck do they think they are punishing and hurting the children! This, I would not stand for. She did not reply. But she stopped being (that much of) a cunt. The Kids stayed out of it after that.

Today. Kyia still talks to the girls. I still talk to the girls. Nora and I speak on occasion and are “acquaintances” but we will never be friends again. I will always love her and she will always hold a place in my heart but I will never trust her. No break up is more heartbreaking than that of the betrayal of a best friend.

Advertisements

Losing a friend over a difference of opinion

Note **this blog and the one about the burqa controversy were one blog, I have since separated them.

I was thinking about an old friend (Garvan) today, and yesterday I was hashing it out about Burqa’s and therefore decided I want to do a blog entry on the differences of people and their opinions. About 2 years ago, I lost, what I thought was, a dear good friend because of a difference in opinion. No I didn’t kill Garvan, I simply didn’t agree with his way of thinking and he decided that being friends with someone who believes in freedom is not for him. I was appalled by his decision to cut me out of his life. But such things happen. Sadly.

A brief, little history. I met Garvan when I was a teenager and we quickly became the best of friends. He was not the brightest in our group of friends, he was a bit older (early 20’s) and he was kind. That was his thing, he was such a sweetie. (FYI …We never dated). He knew all my secrets, including those I wouldn’t tell my “other” best friends. I could talk to Garvan about anything. We both moved away and kept in touch for years but started to drift away from one another. Then Facebook happened. We found each other and kept in touch again, he had a family, I had a family, we sent each other Christmas cards every year, it was so nice to catch up and keep up with his life. It felt amazing, as I cared deeply for Garvan. He was a best friend in a crucial time of my life, after all (the teenage years). It was lovely. I miss him.

Now Garvan, as mentioned before, is not very bright. He had MANY opinions on things that I did not agree with, but Me being me, just let it be…. until …

I made a post (on FB) about a controversial issue. The issue was about Phil Robertson’s Quote in GQ regarding HIS BELIEFS

I Posted a link to some story about A&E suspending the show and Stated:

“Although I do NOT agree with his beliefs, I do believe that he has a right to believe what he chooses. I also believe he has the right to express those beliefs. (I apologize in advance if this offends anyone of my friends, I also have opinions that may or may not be the same as yours). We don’t condemn those certain religious groups who express their religious views vigorously at your door, we choose to listen or ignore. So you don’t agree with Phil? You have the choice to listen or ignore. Don’t watch his show. Don’t buy his stuff. THAT is YOUR choice. However if you intend to condemn him and punish him for his beliefs, and expressing said beliefs, than you had better keep your mouth shut too!! If you think you can have an opinion yet others cannot, well you are sadly mistaken. Everyone has their own opinion, most different than others. No one is being hurt (if your feelings are hurt I have a report you can fill out, google “hurt feeling report” and take your pick), so why punish a man for expressing what he believes? I have many friends who are straight, gay, Christian, atheist, different colours and nationalities. They all have opinions and/or beliefs that may or may not differ from mine. I do not condemn them for it. They should not be punished for expressing themselves and their opinions and beliefs, and neither should Phil Robertson (I would also like to state that I am neither pro nor anti ‘Phil’ I do not regularly watch Duck Dynasty, but if someone else is watching it, I will sit and have a chuckle). We are “supposed” to be a free country (both Canada and the USA) yet we have no freedoms. We cannot speak our minds, we cannot express our opinions, we have to conform to what we are told or we are “bad” people. WRONG. I believe these bad people are those who try to make everyone the same by oppressing us and our thoughts and/or those who do things to hurt people. The people of the world will never think alike, live alike, look alike or be alike. How boring would that world be? I, personally, would never want to be a part of that world. I will always have an opinion and most often express it. If you don’t like it, move on. If you don’t agree, well that is YOUR opinion and feel free to express it. The world is a crazy place, accept it and move on.”

Then the following conversation/comments occurred:

Friend 1: ” I second what you said!!!!!”

Friend 2: It’s the same as hating someone for their gender, race, or skin colour. If some famous dude wants to bash a whole group of people for something their brain is prewired to and can’t change, and then proceed to throw shit in there about god and religion, I’d expect nothing less than what they did.”

ME: “Phil is not homophobic, nor does he “hate” gays, he simply believes it to be a sin in “God’s” eyes …. Quoted from the GQ Article that this controversy stemmed from … “It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.” … AND… “Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men,” he says. Then he paraphrases Corinthians: “Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.” …AND MY FAVOURITE …“We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?””

Lacey:  “If they’re taking him off the air, then they should also ban all Catholic, Baptist, Jehova, etc. from the air. They also hate on gays, Atheists, etc.”

Someone stated here that he should not have said these things on TV, and promptly deleted their comment when I corrected them with the following.

ME: “1. it was not on TV. 2. he actually said nothing wrong. everything he said was taken out of context and misconstrued.”

Garvan: “what he said was wrong..no matter what it was just wrong..that kind of thinking is something he should keep to him self or privacy of his own home. he must take responsablity for his hatefull choice of words. even you should be wise enough to understand that.” (note this was the ONLY comment he posted) 

ME: “nope. I believe in the freedom to express ones self. freedom of speech. freedom of life choice. basically FREEDOM.”, If you read what he “actually” said, there was nothing wrong. … watch this video …” (<<click the link to see the video I posted) 

Teagan: “A&E suspends him!? WTF! How hypocritical is that! How dare they! That network glorifies murder and bases most if their content on murder. How dare they pretend to take a moral stance.
I can’t help but to invoke the lyrics to Metallica’s song “eye of the beholder”.
To hell with “political correctness”! Next thing you know they’ll take our thoughts away.”, “Nothing he said was hateful. Even if it was, I would defend his right to express his belief. Even if I didn’t agree with it.”, “F**k the status quo and f**k towing the party line.”

A day later, with no other communication, I noticed that Garvan “unfriended” me. I was confused, so I confronted him and sent him a private message:

“Wow. I don’t know where deleting me came from. We have been friends for a very long time and I never thought of you as the type of person to “de-friend” someone just because they have a different point of view than you do. we have disagreed on many things over the years but never did I not consider you a friend. I am very disappointed in you Garvan. I thought you were a better person than that. People have different opinions and out takes on life. You should learn to accept that and move on. I am sorry if I offended you, however I do not apologize for expressing my opinion.”

His response was a simple “bye bye” That was it. The last I heard from him. My heart was broken but I still think of him from time to time … especially when controversial topics arise, when I will wonder “am I going to lose this friend too”?

just-becuase-someones-opinion-is-different-than-your-own-it-does-not-mean-they-are-wrong

I would like to point out that Duck Dynasty is still on the air … on A&E … Just saying.

I have friends of many different colours, races, sexes, ages,religions and sexual orientation. I have friends who do not agree with my beliefs. I have friends who have different political views than I have. I have friends who dress different than I do, listen to different music and raise their children a different way . Just because they are different does not make them wrong or bad, it makes them different than me. We are still friends (with the exception of Garvan of course).

(Hell, My boyfriend, Finn, has MANY different beliefs, opinions and views then I do… I still love him. Also, I raise my daughter, Kyia, to have her own opinion, views and beliefs… I secretly hope they are the same as mine, but, for the most part, I let her establish them herself, I simply guide her and inform her and encourage her to research and form her own opinion…and yes, she already has different opinions, likes, dislikes than I … like her listening to that horrible country music… ulgh… the brat)

We ALL have different opinions. We ALL have different beliefs. We ALL have different views. We ALL make different choices. Accept it and move on, or don’t and fuck off. It is your choice.