Category Archives: Terrified

First Boyfriends and the Panicked Mom.

So Kyia has her first boyfriend … How the fuck do I deal with this!!! My mind is scattered all over the place with this one. Inside I am freaking-the-fuck-out!! Outside, I am playing the cool mom whom Kyia can tell everything to … It is killing me!!So lets go over some points …

I was a teen girl once, but at 13 I had no boyfriends and little interest in the idiots I went to school with…seriously, one or 2 of them WERE cute, I suppose… BUT Assholes and Morons!! Sure I had crushes on “celebrities” like Jon Bon Jovi, Jason Bateman, Charlie Schlatter and “Bo Duke” (John Schneider) also …. ummm … well …*cough**cough* Jon Knight *cough**cough* and maybe *cough**cough* *cough**cough* Wil *cough**cough* Wheaton *cough**cough*  But, Well, Believe it or not, as the saying goes … “sweet 16 and never been kissed”. I was actually 16 when I had my first “real” boyfriend and my first kiss and lost my virginity (I say “real” because I had a boyfriend named Jimmy when I was 4 or 5 that probably lasted like a day. And I actually had a Boyfriend at 14 … but I literally said yes to this dip-shit just to get him to leave me alone. *Eyeroll* He bugged me and asked me to be his girlfriend over and over and I repeatedly told him “no” over and over until I finally said FINE! We lasted 3 days… when we went swimming and he pushed my, unable to swim, little sister into the deep end of the pool … I dumped him and threatened him that if I ever saw him again, I would beat the shit out of him … I never saw him again…I was a little “rough around the edges” and tough as nails with a temper that would scare Satan when I was younger. LOL). So back on point, I went fast, or so I think I did, now… I had my first boyfriend and first kiss, 6 months later we broke up and I got my second boyfriend and just over a month together, I lost my virginity … Terrifying! But this plays in my mind, this and KNOWING how boys think and what they think about … *shudder*  Despite still being a girl and having girly thoughts and feelings (that I hid) I grew up, kind of “tomboy-ish”. I have always been “one of the boys” I relate better with the guys… frilly, prissy, catty chicks piss me the fuck off!  Being “one of the boys” allowed the guys to speak freely around me… so yes, I KNOW how and what they think. Anyhoo…As a teen girl, if my mother told me no … well I did it out of spite. My mother said I can’t hang out with a certain person? I would do it more. My mother said I can’t go out? I jumped out my bedroom window. I know better than to pull the “Your too young for a boyfriend” crap … that will make her want it more! So ….

I play the cool mom. Kyia informed me of her crush a couple of months ago, and she told me as soon as he asked her out (about 3 weeks ago). She told me when he tried to kiss her (a few times) and how she dodged it and she told me when she did finally let him kiss her (last weekend!!)…I died inside, just sayin…She trusts me enough to tell me these things. Why? Because, despite the fucking devastating bomb that just detonated in my guts I hold it together and smile and talk to her about it…or just smile and say something nice … depending on both of our moods. She trusts that I am not going to tell the whole planet about them. She trusts that I am not going to tease and ridicule her (much). She trusts that I am going to be there for her. She KNOWS that I am her best friend … no matter how much she pretends it is the other kids… lol. She knows. She trusts. I listen. I respect.

My insides are going to cause a nuclear meltdown. I mean seriously … I suffer from Anxiety, occasional Depression (which is currently “on”), a little OCD and over-protectiveness …. and My baby girl has her first boyfriend!!! PANIC ATTACK in effect!! The emotions and thoughts are running rampant! Kissing, Sex, Heartache, STD’s, PREGNANCY!! OMG OMG OMG, Breathe!! Breathe!! A woman I used to work with has a 15 year old daughter who just had a baby … that is fucking retarded!!! When I was a teenager, A girl I knew who was 12, TWELVE, got pregnant! Jesus Christ! 12 and 15 years old, That IS a baby!! AIDS… need I say more! And for fucks sake what am I going to do when her heart is broken …although I do have LOTS of experience here since her dad has been breaking her heart for 13 fucking years ..fucking scum bag piece of shit dead beat…. but seriously … I know I “look” like I am holding it all together, but I am not. I want to tell her “NO dating until you are 16 (or 40)!” I want to scare that boy away! I want to ground her for life and move to a secluded island where there are no boys! I want to cry!!! There is so much responsibility that comes with boyfriends, love and sex. there is so much danger in it if one is not mature enough and or prepared. AND in this day and age, parents should be DRILLING information and facts on Sex, Pregnancy and STDs into their teenagers heads! Scare the shit out of the little bastards so that they will never have sex … hey! A mom can dream!! This is NOT the earlier 1900s when talking sex is Taboo … TALK TO YOUR FUCKING KIDS!!! Yes, it is awkward and uncomfortable, but I talk to Kyia about her menstrual period, boys, sex, STDs, Pregnancy, drugs and so-on. We both hate it, yes, but I want her informed. So we talk … sometimes too much … she gets so annoyed when I go on and on and on …. Hell sometimes I annoy myself! lol… So I “try” to have these talks in small doses, when a topic arises. Have we had all of “the” talks? No not yet, but she is 13 and we are starting them….also I need time to mentally prepare ME for these talks! THIS on top of the teenage “attitude… I think I am going to die!

The Boy … Kyia had him over this weekend. They hung out all day and we brought them out to Dinner. I drilled him with Questions…nothing too crazy… what do you like to do? got brothers or sisters? pets? You know, those type questions … they may get more “difficult” with each visit… muahahahaha! He SEEMS like a pretty good kid. He is Athletic, Plays (and is apparently fairly obsessed with) Basketball. He plays for the school and (I think) for a city team and he watches the NBA and he plays video game basketball. He is quiet and a little shy. He is in Band. He “used to” play World of Warcraft. He played D&D once. He lives with his dad. He seems smart. The boy has a nerdy side (BONUS!). But … His preferred music Genre is Rap… could he pick a worse (IMO) Genre… fak…Well everyone has flaws I guess. He talks more quietly than Kyia. He is too shy (and indecisive) to make a decision. They took a trip to the park for a couple hours and we had our dinner trip, but other than that, they hung out in her room most of the day…with the door WIDE open and Momma “passing by” randomly. I caught him attempting a kiss at one point and went right in the room and sat my ass down… both of them bright red … I sat there for a good 10-15 minutes just “chatting” away. I didn’t know how to react. I wanted to grab him by the scruff of the neck and throw him out the window…or through the wall! But instead, I calmly interrupted his attempt and sat down to continue the interruption. NO Kissing in my presence!! NO Kissing in my house!! I know they have kissed (now keep in mind this is 13 year old kissing… pecks on the lips) and I am not going to ground her over it, but I do NOT condone it. I do NOT approve of it. She is my Baby!!!

rules

What I am doing … reading, researching and communicating…also breathing, a lot of calming deep breaths and crying… a lot of very emotional cries … I recently had someone (a couple someones actually)  tell me, Just tell her not to do it. She is too young, do not allow it. But realistically … She is 13. Boys are a part of her life. Teenage attitude, especially if she is anything like her mom, can be very spiteful. So it is MY opinion that in MY circumstance,  MY parenting for this is to make sure she is informed. To make sure they always have a chaperone (of sorts) even if it is a group of friends. But to do that I need to inform myself so….

I bought this baby from chapters a few days ago: Parenting a Teen Girl: A Crash Course on Conflict, Communication and Connection with Your Teenage Daughter

and this one I bought the same day from Audible – the audio format to listen to in the car: Smart but Scattered Teens: The “Executive Skills” Program for Helping Teens Reach Their Potential

and I think this one is next … but for the 2 of us to go over together: Being a Teen: Everything Teen Girls & Boys Should Know About Relationships, Sex, Love, Health, Identity & More

I will get through this. I will get through this. I WILL get through this.

 

 

 

 

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Pray for the World – updated

Stand For Peace

While you are praying (If praying is what you do) for Paris keep in mind that while the attacks on Paris are devastating, they are not the only ones to be attacked, Please also pray for Beirut and Baghdad. While you are at it,  pray for all of the war torn countries because not everyone in Syria or Afghanistan is evil. MOST of them are innocent people trying to get away from the evil, death and corruption. OR even better start actually doing something!! Praying doesn’t do much good by itself (or at all?). DO something. Find a charity or cause you support and donate your time and/or money! I do! At the bottom of this post you will find a list of “some” “charities” you can donate to.

Baghdad. At a Funeral. Some douche bag cowardly piece of shit suicide bomber killed people attending a funeral. While family and friends mourned a loved one, a scum-bag showed up with a bomb strapped to his chest and blew up a fucking funeral killing at least 17 and injuring dozens. Seriously. Disgraceful. Attacks in Baghdad happen almost daily murdering tons of innocent civilians. Pray for them. Keep the people of Baghdad in your hearts and prayers. Stand by those innocent lives.

Beirut. Double attack. (At least) 4 sick and twisted fucktards massacred dozens and wounded hundreds in an act of terrorism. These scum of the earth bastards purposely attacked in an area filled with families and innocent people. I hope there is a hell and I hope they suffer greatly for their evil ways. Keep the people of Beirut in your hearts and prayers. Stand by those innocent lives.

Paris. Multiple locations. Low-life scum-suckers slaughtered innocent lives in at least 6 locations in Paris. A concert. A soccer game. Bars. Restaurant. None of these (at least) 120 people deserved to lose their lives. None of these hundreds of injured deserved to be hurt. Only the Idiotic Morons behind these massacres deserve this pain, agony and death (actually, death is too good for them). Keep the people of Paris in your hearts and prayers. Stand by those innocent lives.

Syria. over 4 years of war. Killing each other and innocent citizens who happen to be in the cross-fire. No wonder they are trying to escape. over 250,000 butchered and more every day. Keep the people of Syria in your hearts and prayers. Stand by those innocent lives.

Afghanistan. Always at war. Innocent Afghanistan citizens die every day (although at this point one might wonder if there are in fact any innocents left after so very many years) in this war-torn country. Keep the people of Afghanistan in your hearts and prayers. Stand by those innocent lives.

Somalia. Terrorist attacks are there too. Named the worlds most dangerous country and for good reason. Keep the people of Somalia in your hearts and prayers. Stand by those innocent lives.

These are just some of the attacks going on in some of the countries. Keep the people of the world in your hearts and prayers. Stand by all innocent lives.

Points to ponder:

Terrorism is Evil. Terrorists are nothing more than power hungry cowards. They are the lowest scum of the earth (right “down” there with paedophiles). Disgusting, useless pieces of shit.

They are trying to break our souls, don’t let them. Never be afraid of a coward!

Stand strong not afraid. The Terrorist feed on your fear. They believe fear is weakness and strike when you are weak. So stand strong and fight with your strength.

Do not let fear and lies make your decisions. Don’t give in to the fear propaganda.

Muslims are NOT the enemy. There are 1.6 BILLION Muslims on our planet, If they were all evil, there is not much we could do about it… just sayin. A very small percentage that are “Extremists”, they are the “Evil” ones … but you know what … EVERY religion and nationality and race has a small percentage of evil fucks. So stop being a racist asshole.

Terrorism has no Religion. These shits use religion as an excuse to wage war. It is bull shit. I do not care what religion you are, your “god” neither wants nor condones war. War is created by the greedy, power hungry governments. Period. End of story.

Justin Trudeau is NOT the enemy. Stop blaming the fucking attacks in Paris on JT. For Christ sake he is the PM of CANADA NOT FRANCE (nor the U.S. if you believe the US government (or the “elite families”)is behind it all, some do, some don’t)! Get over yourself. He had nothing to do with these or any attacks! Put your big girl panties on and stop crying because “your” choice for PM got booted the fuck out of office. Give JT the chance he deserves. I am NOT a “liberal supporter” but I am decent enough to give the man a chance before condemning him to “Bad PM” status. Now, Shut your traps until there is actually something to bitch about. Until then … Watch this. (Sorry, I love that video, He seems to be so much fun … and a nerd too!! I truly hope he is the leader we need).

Refugees are innocent people running away from the terrorists in their own war-torn country. Trudeau is making an attempt to help and save (some of) these innocent people. The ONLY things you are saying by sharing scare-tactic posts (and your derogatory comments towards the refugees (and Muslims and and Trudeau)) is that you are ignorant to what is actually going on, that you too are inducing unnecessary fear, you are easily falsely led by strategic propaganda or internet memes and you are racist, hateful and ignorant. I would also like to add, that although I feel deeply for the innocent lives that are being lost, I truly do believe that we should save our own lives as well. We have homeless, veterans and poverty stricken lives right here in Canada that need assistance too! I am not saying that we should not help the refugees, I am saying that we need to look after us TOO!! TOO, meaning also or as well. Canada “should” be a kind enough country that we can help both our own AND some refugees. We have before. But here is the problem… You big mouth pieces of shit who are wanting to condemn the refugees to death because you think we should “help our own” are most likely hypocritical trash. Seriously… What are YOU doing to help your own? If all you “mouths” got off your greedy selfish asses and donated time and money to OUR homeless and poverty stricken, we wouldn’t have many left!!  I think we should help as many refugees as we can. I think we should help some by bringing them to Canada and I think we should help the ones we are unable to bring here in whatever way we can. Their home is in shambles and war surrounds them. They need a safer place to go.

https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/1l0ajz/syria_before_and_after/
Syria pre-2011 compared to Syria today. Would you want to go home?
Syria hole
to see more Syria destruction Photos: http://photo.sf.co.ua/id154

I have some “friends” (I use the term friend loosely to mean people I have on my social media account)  who have posted a link to an article posted a year ago. This particular article is being re-circulated to coincide with the current attacks in Paris, Beirut, and Baghdad. It is being re-circulated simply to induce fear into Canadians as the headline states, “ISIS leader threatens Canada, says it will fight to the last man in audio recording”. There are multiple people re-posting this today, too blinded by the horrific events that have happened to see past the fear and hate. I am betting that most of the folks posting only read the headline and have no idea what the article actually says and no idea that it is actually an article from a year ago. READ MORE THAN THE HEADLINE!!

I guess to sum up:

The innocent victims of war and tragedy are in my heart everyday.
People of the world need to Stand united and strong against ALL terrorists.
Fear is what the “terrorists” want.
Racism is as evil as terrorism.
Passing judgement without just cause makes you the asshole.

Donate or volunteer you time. Do your research and choose the one that is right for you. Choose the one that gives the most of their money and time directly to the cause.

http://www.moneysense.ca/planning/2016-charity-100-grades/

MoneySense Magazine’s annual charity ranking is a list of charities that have been rated based on how efficient the charity organization is.

 

 

 

Stay Tuned Part 1

Lego Pain

Continued from What is this pain. I suggest you read that first…

The blood work all came back normal. YAY!

But I am still in Pain and I still have no idea what is wrong. This not knowing shit is causing my stress levels to sky rocket!

Every day, at least once a day, I keel over from the pain. I truly do not know how much more I can handle.

Today, the pain is mostly on my right side and through the right side of my lower back … WHAT! This is new. For months it has been on the left side and around the center with the odd spread to the right … Today, all day, my right side hurts (with a little center and right). What did I do in a past life to deserve this? I am so tired of being in pain. There is always something.

My Knees (My knees have caused me pain since I before I can remember, <5 years old)

My Back (Not as long as my knees but still many years of back pain…. upper, mid AND lower!)

My pelvic (abdomen) area (and now this)

All. The. Time.

Some days, like today, I can not concentrate on anything other than the pain. It hurts. I am trying to work and cannot even think. I try to drive and find it difficult to focus on the road. I try to sleep and cannot. I cannot do much

I am still waiting for the gynecologist call for an appointment. That is correct; 2 ish months and still not even a call to say here is your appointment. For F@#$ sake.

I need to get in there soon for 2 reasons really: I need to figure out what the hell is wrong, but I also have no birth control at the moment as my IUD was removed… I may need that back soon (or NOW would be nice) .. well maybe not that exact one …

Microsoft's Confused Face

… Stay tuned …