Losing a friend over a difference of opinion

Note **this blog and the one about the burqa controversy were one blog, I have since separated them.

I was thinking about an old friend (Garvan) today, and yesterday I was hashing it out about Burqa’s and therefore decided I want to do a blog entry on the differences of people and their opinions. About 2 years ago, I lost, what I thought was, a dear good friend because of a difference in opinion. No I didn’t kill Garvan, I simply didn’t agree with his way of thinking and he decided that being friends with someone who believes in freedom is not for him. I was appalled by his decision to cut me out of his life. But such things happen. Sadly.

A brief, little history. I met Garvan when I was a teenager and we quickly became the best of friends. He was not the brightest in our group of friends, he was a bit older (early 20’s) and he was kind. That was his thing, he was such a sweetie. (FYI …We never dated). He knew all my secrets, including those I wouldn’t tell my “other” best friends. I could talk to Garvan about anything. We both moved away and kept in touch for years but started to drift away from one another. Then Facebook happened. We found each other and kept in touch again, he had a family, I had a family, we sent each other Christmas cards every year, it was so nice to catch up and keep up with his life. It felt amazing, as I cared deeply for Garvan. He was a best friend in a crucial time of my life, after all (the teenage years). It was lovely. I miss him.

Now Garvan, as mentioned before, is not very bright. He had MANY opinions on things that I did not agree with, but Me being me, just let it be…. until …

I made a post (on FB) about a controversial issue. The issue was about Phil Robertson’s Quote in GQ regarding HIS BELIEFS

I Posted a link to some story about A&E suspending the show and Stated:

“Although I do NOT agree with his beliefs, I do believe that he has a right to believe what he chooses. I also believe he has the right to express those beliefs. (I apologize in advance if this offends anyone of my friends, I also have opinions that may or may not be the same as yours). We don’t condemn those certain religious groups who express their religious views vigorously at your door, we choose to listen or ignore. So you don’t agree with Phil? You have the choice to listen or ignore. Don’t watch his show. Don’t buy his stuff. THAT is YOUR choice. However if you intend to condemn him and punish him for his beliefs, and expressing said beliefs, than you had better keep your mouth shut too!! If you think you can have an opinion yet others cannot, well you are sadly mistaken. Everyone has their own opinion, most different than others. No one is being hurt (if your feelings are hurt I have a report you can fill out, google “hurt feeling report” and take your pick), so why punish a man for expressing what he believes? I have many friends who are straight, gay, Christian, atheist, different colours and nationalities. They all have opinions and/or beliefs that may or may not differ from mine. I do not condemn them for it. They should not be punished for expressing themselves and their opinions and beliefs, and neither should Phil Robertson (I would also like to state that I am neither pro nor anti ‘Phil’ I do not regularly watch Duck Dynasty, but if someone else is watching it, I will sit and have a chuckle). We are “supposed” to be a free country (both Canada and the USA) yet we have no freedoms. We cannot speak our minds, we cannot express our opinions, we have to conform to what we are told or we are “bad” people. WRONG. I believe these bad people are those who try to make everyone the same by oppressing us and our thoughts and/or those who do things to hurt people. The people of the world will never think alike, live alike, look alike or be alike. How boring would that world be? I, personally, would never want to be a part of that world. I will always have an opinion and most often express it. If you don’t like it, move on. If you don’t agree, well that is YOUR opinion and feel free to express it. The world is a crazy place, accept it and move on.”

Then the following conversation/comments occurred:

Friend 1: ” I second what you said!!!!!”

Friend 2: It’s the same as hating someone for their gender, race, or skin colour. If some famous dude wants to bash a whole group of people for something their brain is prewired to and can’t change, and then proceed to throw shit in there about god and religion, I’d expect nothing less than what they did.”

ME: “Phil is not homophobic, nor does he “hate” gays, he simply believes it to be a sin in “God’s” eyes …. Quoted from the GQ Article that this controversy stemmed from … “It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.” … AND… “Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men,” he says. Then he paraphrases Corinthians: “Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.” …AND MY FAVOURITE …“We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?””

Lacey:  “If they’re taking him off the air, then they should also ban all Catholic, Baptist, Jehova, etc. from the air. They also hate on gays, Atheists, etc.”

Someone stated here that he should not have said these things on TV, and promptly deleted their comment when I corrected them with the following.

ME: “1. it was not on TV. 2. he actually said nothing wrong. everything he said was taken out of context and misconstrued.”

Garvan: “what he said was wrong..no matter what it was just wrong..that kind of thinking is something he should keep to him self or privacy of his own home. he must take responsablity for his hatefull choice of words. even you should be wise enough to understand that.” (note this was the ONLY comment he posted) 

ME: “nope. I believe in the freedom to express ones self. freedom of speech. freedom of life choice. basically FREEDOM.”, If you read what he “actually” said, there was nothing wrong. … watch this video …” (<<click the link to see the video I posted) 

Teagan: “A&E suspends him!? WTF! How hypocritical is that! How dare they! That network glorifies murder and bases most if their content on murder. How dare they pretend to take a moral stance.
I can’t help but to invoke the lyrics to Metallica’s song “eye of the beholder”.
To hell with “political correctness”! Next thing you know they’ll take our thoughts away.”, “Nothing he said was hateful. Even if it was, I would defend his right to express his belief. Even if I didn’t agree with it.”, “F**k the status quo and f**k towing the party line.”

A day later, with no other communication, I noticed that Garvan “unfriended” me. I was confused, so I confronted him and sent him a private message:

“Wow. I don’t know where deleting me came from. We have been friends for a very long time and I never thought of you as the type of person to “de-friend” someone just because they have a different point of view than you do. we have disagreed on many things over the years but never did I not consider you a friend. I am very disappointed in you Garvan. I thought you were a better person than that. People have different opinions and out takes on life. You should learn to accept that and move on. I am sorry if I offended you, however I do not apologize for expressing my opinion.”

His response was a simple “bye bye” That was it. The last I heard from him. My heart was broken but I still think of him from time to time … especially when controversial topics arise, when I will wonder “am I going to lose this friend too”?


I would like to point out that Duck Dynasty is still on the air … on A&E … Just saying.

I have friends of many different colours, races, sexes, ages,religions and sexual orientation. I have friends who do not agree with my beliefs. I have friends who have different political views than I have. I have friends who dress different than I do, listen to different music and raise their children a different way . Just because they are different does not make them wrong or bad, it makes them different than me. We are still friends (with the exception of Garvan of course).

(Hell, My boyfriend, Finn, has MANY different beliefs, opinions and views then I do… I still love him. Also, I raise my daughter, Kyia, to have her own opinion, views and beliefs… I secretly hope they are the same as mine, but, for the most part, I let her establish them herself, I simply guide her and inform her and encourage her to research and form her own opinion…and yes, she already has different opinions, likes, dislikes than I … like her listening to that horrible country music… ulgh… the brat)

We ALL have different opinions. We ALL have different beliefs. We ALL have different views. We ALL make different choices. Accept it and move on, or don’t and fuck off. It is your choice.


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