Single mom Vs. “Single” mom

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Single Mom (or dad … Note: I will use mom, but it’s context will actually mean any parent, I am not being sexist or whatever you want to call it this week, I am only using it in this way as I am a single MOM) = Mom who is raising the child independently. The Father (AGAIN NOTE: I am only using father/dad to differentiate, this could in fact be either parent, so don’t go getting your panties in a bunch) is not in the child’s life, does not help financially, emotionally, mentally or physically with the child’s upbringing whether due to death, or because they are a “deadbeat” etc. A single parent is the sole provider for the child.

Note: A single mom is NOT one who does not allow the father to see the child. A single mom is NOT one who pushes an “actual” willing father away. 

“Single” Mom = A mom who happens to be single. A mom who has the assistance of the father to help with the upbringing of the child but the parents are not together.

“Wilful single mom” I believe the mother who does not allow the father access would fit in this category.

Note: If a GOOD man who is ACTUALLY willing to be in his child’s life and help out in any way he can and be unselfish by always putting that child first and the mother does not allow it, she is an evil C^#% and is ruining her child’s life. I HATE these women. I will discuss this more later …

So here is my situation. I am a single mom. I was lucky enough when my daughter was a toddler to have assistance from some family and friends. NOT her father. (if you read my previous posts Let me get this straight and The battle today … should she get the response or should she be ignored? you will get a bit of background).

Note: Kyia’s father is the worst kind of deadbeat piece of shit. Why? Because he uses her for his convenience. He shows up after months of no contact, usually to impress someone. He is not in her life, but he shows up enough to confuse and hurt her. He treats his daughter like shit, avoids support payments, lies and manipulates and then tries to make it look like it is all me. Let me do a sum up … if I can. He refuses to see her for years unless it is convenient for him, he uses her, for example, to impress a girl; he will take kyia for a sleepover, Or to make this girl feel sorry for him; he will ask me if he can take Kyia on a day he KNOWS we have plans so when I say no, he can say “see she won’t let me see my daughter”. He refuses to willingly pay child support, it must be garnished from his pay check … if and when he holds a legitimate job. He has refused visitation schedules (which were more than fair). He puts guilt trips on his daughter to make HER cry and feel bad for HIS behaviour. He is one of the 3 people I truly hate (See # 15). He is what I am classifying in this blog as a pretend dad.

I could go on and on and on, but I am veering off topic. So back on track … single mom vs. “single” mom.

As an actual single mom I get very disgusted when mom’s who are “single” moms use the single mom status to get free things. They use the single mom status to use and manipulate people to get what they want. These people are despicable. Let me tell you something. As I mentioned before my above rant, I was lucky enough to have assistance from family and friends when Kyia was younger (Declan, Keira, Viona, My Mother, My aunt Lacey, My aunt Bridget on occasion, even my sister Bree, to name but a few). Because of their help I was able to go back to school and achieve a technology diploma. It was a long hard road, school, work and parenting but I did it. I was a single mom, but as I had so much love, support and help, I did not use my single mother status as a cry for help. I did not need it. (although I did state it on a couple of occasions which I may discuss another time) With that said, let’s say hypothetically that I did not have this support and I did need “outside help”; would I use my single mother status? This is where I would condone using this status, but not abusing it. As I mentioned before, I did on a couple of occasions throw my single mom status into the mix. It helped get me a scholarship to pay for my schooling. It helped in getting assistance to pay for child care while in school. The thing is (for the most part) I mentioned it. I did not request a pity party throwing every pitiful detail of my pathetic life. It was basically an “I am a single mom trying to better our lives” and then I moved on to topic.

So if you are an actual single mom and you legitimately need help every now and again, ask for it. Throw your single mom status into the mix, it works. But do NOT abuse it. Do not take and take and take. Do not expect handouts from everyone. Do not sit your ass on welfare. Do not cry for pity. Get up and do something. Accept peoples charity but only if you need it and/or are bettering yourself otherwise allow that single mom who actually needs it have it.

I am going to go back to what I will call the “wilful single mom”. I hate this woman! If there is a father who truly (I stress the word truly to rule out the pretend dads from this category) wants to be in his child’s life and you are refusing him access you are the lowest of the low. You are that dreaded “C word” most women hate … yes, you are a Cunt. Now keep in mind I am not referring to women who are hiding their child from an abusive man for the safety of their child (or for some LEGITIMATE reason… smoking pot is not a legitimate reason, smoking crack daily in the presence of children is. Social drinking is not legitimate, falling down drunk daily in the presence of children is. He cheated on you is not a legitimate reason, cheated on you with a child (pedophilia) is. Do you see where I am going with this), I am talking about that skank, who out of spite, keeps the child away from the loving father. The woman who will do whatever it takes to hurt the man who left her crazy ass. The woman who uses her child to cause pain and agony to a devoted dad. Do NOT call yourself a single mom if you are this evil shrew. You are not a single mom because you have a second parent willing to be in the life of his child. You have a second parent who is willing to support his child. You have a second parent who is willing to love his child. You are nothing. Just so you know … what is just as bad as this cunt is the piece of shit who PRETENDS (to others) to be that devoted dad. I despise this “pretend dad” too. But this is another topic all together.

Now onto the “single” mom. Just because you and the father are split up does not make you a single mom. If the father is part of the child’s life and upbringing, stop using this status. You do not get to pull the “I am a single mom, pity me” card EVER. You are a mom and you are single. Find a dating site.

I have personally known at least one person from all of these categories of each sex (meaning: I have known at least 1 single mom and single dad, “single” mom and “single” dad as well as wilful single mom and wilful single dad … as well as both the pretend dad (and a mom), the deadbeat (Mom and dad) and the loving parents in each situation) and …I forgot where I was going with that …

So to sum up.

Single mom: Single handily raising the child. Earns the right to ask for help and assistance as a single mom IF NEEDED.

“Single” mom: A mom who is not with the child’s father, but receives support in the upbringing of the child; financially, emotionally and physically. Should NEVER call herself a single mom.

Wilful single mom: Scum of the earth right there next to pretend dad. Should not even be classified as a mom.

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