Monthly Archives: September 2015

Losing a friend over a difference of opinion

Note **this blog and the one about the burqa controversy were one blog, I have since separated them.

I was thinking about an old friend (Garvan) today, and yesterday I was hashing it out about Burqa’s and therefore decided I want to do a blog entry on the differences of people and their opinions. About 2 years ago, I lost, what I thought was, a dear good friend because of a difference in opinion. No I didn’t kill Garvan, I simply didn’t agree with his way of thinking and he decided that being friends with someone who believes in freedom is not for him. I was appalled by his decision to cut me out of his life. But such things happen. Sadly.

A brief, little history. I met Garvan when I was a teenager and we quickly became the best of friends. He was not the brightest in our group of friends, he was a bit older (early 20’s) and he was kind. That was his thing, he was such a sweetie. (FYI …We never dated). He knew all my secrets, including those I wouldn’t tell my “other” best friends. I could talk to Garvan about anything. We both moved away and kept in touch for years but started to drift away from one another. Then Facebook happened. We found each other and kept in touch again, he had a family, I had a family, we sent each other Christmas cards every year, it was so nice to catch up and keep up with his life. It felt amazing, as I cared deeply for Garvan. He was a best friend in a crucial time of my life, after all (the teenage years). It was lovely. I miss him.

Now Garvan, as mentioned before, is not very bright. He had MANY opinions on things that I did not agree with, but Me being me, just let it be…. until …

I made a post (on FB) about a controversial issue. The issue was about Phil Robertson’s Quote in GQ regarding HIS BELIEFS

I Posted a link to some story about A&E suspending the show and Stated:

“Although I do NOT agree with his beliefs, I do believe that he has a right to believe what he chooses. I also believe he has the right to express those beliefs. (I apologize in advance if this offends anyone of my friends, I also have opinions that may or may not be the same as yours). We don’t condemn those certain religious groups who express their religious views vigorously at your door, we choose to listen or ignore. So you don’t agree with Phil? You have the choice to listen or ignore. Don’t watch his show. Don’t buy his stuff. THAT is YOUR choice. However if you intend to condemn him and punish him for his beliefs, and expressing said beliefs, than you had better keep your mouth shut too!! If you think you can have an opinion yet others cannot, well you are sadly mistaken. Everyone has their own opinion, most different than others. No one is being hurt (if your feelings are hurt I have a report you can fill out, google “hurt feeling report” and take your pick), so why punish a man for expressing what he believes? I have many friends who are straight, gay, Christian, atheist, different colours and nationalities. They all have opinions and/or beliefs that may or may not differ from mine. I do not condemn them for it. They should not be punished for expressing themselves and their opinions and beliefs, and neither should Phil Robertson (I would also like to state that I am neither pro nor anti ‘Phil’ I do not regularly watch Duck Dynasty, but if someone else is watching it, I will sit and have a chuckle). We are “supposed” to be a free country (both Canada and the USA) yet we have no freedoms. We cannot speak our minds, we cannot express our opinions, we have to conform to what we are told or we are “bad” people. WRONG. I believe these bad people are those who try to make everyone the same by oppressing us and our thoughts and/or those who do things to hurt people. The people of the world will never think alike, live alike, look alike or be alike. How boring would that world be? I, personally, would never want to be a part of that world. I will always have an opinion and most often express it. If you don’t like it, move on. If you don’t agree, well that is YOUR opinion and feel free to express it. The world is a crazy place, accept it and move on.”

Then the following conversation/comments occurred:

Friend 1: ” I second what you said!!!!!”

Friend 2: It’s the same as hating someone for their gender, race, or skin colour. If some famous dude wants to bash a whole group of people for something their brain is prewired to and can’t change, and then proceed to throw shit in there about god and religion, I’d expect nothing less than what they did.”

ME: “Phil is not homophobic, nor does he “hate” gays, he simply believes it to be a sin in “God’s” eyes …. Quoted from the GQ Article that this controversy stemmed from … “It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.” … AND… “Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men,” he says. Then he paraphrases Corinthians: “Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.” …AND MY FAVOURITE …“We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?””

Lacey:  “If they’re taking him off the air, then they should also ban all Catholic, Baptist, Jehova, etc. from the air. They also hate on gays, Atheists, etc.”

Someone stated here that he should not have said these things on TV, and promptly deleted their comment when I corrected them with the following.

ME: “1. it was not on TV. 2. he actually said nothing wrong. everything he said was taken out of context and misconstrued.”

Garvan: “what he said was wrong..no matter what it was just wrong..that kind of thinking is something he should keep to him self or privacy of his own home. he must take responsablity for his hatefull choice of words. even you should be wise enough to understand that.” (note this was the ONLY comment he posted) 

ME: “nope. I believe in the freedom to express ones self. freedom of speech. freedom of life choice. basically FREEDOM.”, If you read what he “actually” said, there was nothing wrong. … watch this video …” (<<click the link to see the video I posted) 

Teagan: “A&E suspends him!? WTF! How hypocritical is that! How dare they! That network glorifies murder and bases most if their content on murder. How dare they pretend to take a moral stance.
I can’t help but to invoke the lyrics to Metallica’s song “eye of the beholder”.
To hell with “political correctness”! Next thing you know they’ll take our thoughts away.”, “Nothing he said was hateful. Even if it was, I would defend his right to express his belief. Even if I didn’t agree with it.”, “F**k the status quo and f**k towing the party line.”

A day later, with no other communication, I noticed that Garvan “unfriended” me. I was confused, so I confronted him and sent him a private message:

“Wow. I don’t know where deleting me came from. We have been friends for a very long time and I never thought of you as the type of person to “de-friend” someone just because they have a different point of view than you do. we have disagreed on many things over the years but never did I not consider you a friend. I am very disappointed in you Garvan. I thought you were a better person than that. People have different opinions and out takes on life. You should learn to accept that and move on. I am sorry if I offended you, however I do not apologize for expressing my opinion.”

His response was a simple “bye bye” That was it. The last I heard from him. My heart was broken but I still think of him from time to time … especially when controversial topics arise, when I will wonder “am I going to lose this friend too”?

just-becuase-someones-opinion-is-different-than-your-own-it-does-not-mean-they-are-wrong

I would like to point out that Duck Dynasty is still on the air … on A&E … Just saying.

I have friends of many different colours, races, sexes, ages,religions and sexual orientation. I have friends who do not agree with my beliefs. I have friends who have different political views than I have. I have friends who dress different than I do, listen to different music and raise their children a different way . Just because they are different does not make them wrong or bad, it makes them different than me. We are still friends (with the exception of Garvan of course).

(Hell, My boyfriend, Finn, has MANY different beliefs, opinions and views then I do… I still love him. Also, I raise my daughter, Kyia, to have her own opinion, views and beliefs… I secretly hope they are the same as mine, but, for the most part, I let her establish them herself, I simply guide her and inform her and encourage her to research and form her own opinion…and yes, she already has different opinions, likes, dislikes than I … like her listening to that horrible country music… ulgh… the brat)

We ALL have different opinions. We ALL have different beliefs. We ALL have different views. We ALL make different choices. Accept it and move on, or don’t and fuck off. It is your choice.

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My opinion on the Burqa controversy.

Note **this blog and the one about losing a friend over difference of opinion were one blog, I have since separated them.

The Burqa. (When I say burqa throughout this blog, I am actually referring to both the burqa and the Niqab)

Now I am not an expert on the Quran or the Muslim faith, but I do try to research before I voice an opinion about something I am unfamiliar with. (TRY, sometimes I speak too soon, but not entirely in this case) (I have an opinion about the Quran in general, but I will not express that right now …mostly because I have not read it, nor have I researched it in it’s entirety, just pieces.) Right now, I am discussing the controversy of whether or not the burqa should be allowed in “our” country. I have been seeing the “ban The Burqa” petitions and the memes circulate like crazy over social media  and did a bit of research on the matter.

Let’s start with the different Muslim garments so you can identify which is in fact the burqa. I searched Many pages to correctly identify the difference between a hijab and a burqa and I found this photo from Burquas and Beer which seems to sum it up nicely. I would also like to add that I quite enjoyed Madinah’s thoughts, as a Muslim woman, on the garments. Respect.

burqa2

From what I have read and understand here are some points/facts I have found and considered (please correct me if I am wrong on any of these points … correct me with proof!):

  • Currently there is a ban on face coverings at citizenship ceremonies
  • There is a women fighting to change this and make it so she can “swear in” with a face covering
  • She wants to change CANADIAN LAWS so she can become a CANADIAN.
  • She has won, but the Gov of Canada is appealing
  • There is no law banning face coverings in public
  • There is no law banning face coverings to VOTE.
  • You need ID, and to prove you are who you say you are, in order to (register to) vote, as long as you are not wearing a “religious face covering”.
  • You can not (register to) vote with a ski mask covering your face but you can with a burqa. (Update: apparently you can now)
  • There is no law banning face coverings in public SCHOOLS and DAYCARES
  • Some people consider the burqa a sign of oppression.
  • Some people find the “Ban on burqa’s” a sign of oppression
  • We are told the burqa is worn for religious reasons.
  • No where in the Quran does it state that the entire body needs to be covered.

Now I want you to keep in mind that (as stated before, and likely often in the future) I am a STRONG believer in freedom. Freedom of speech, freedom of expression, freedom of choice, etc. But with anything, there must be limitations. For example if it is your choice to rape someone … that is unacceptable. The limitations of freedom are safety, and the laws should be fair to all. You do NOT have the freedom to physically or emotionally (although, emotionally, is a whole other topic what with the political correctness bull shit… fucking morons) harm someone or something in any way. This is where the line should be drawn. You see Your choice to live far outweighs another’s choice to kill you. Get it?

So my opinion on the Burqa, I do not think it should be allowed in public places. Hypocritical? Maybe. But here is why I think this way.

  1. A very MINOR concern (in MY opinion) is Safety (This seems to be the big issue with most people). My issue is not with the garments that allow your face in view (although I should state, I believe, If you are not allowed to wear a baseball cap (such as in court) you should not be allowed ANY other head dress (Hijab, habit, yarmulke or scarf). My issue is with the garments that hide your identity. Your face should always be visible in public places and establishments, such as shopping centres, government facilities, schools, parks and walking down the damn street, for the safety of everyone. (OK, Maybe not necessarily walking down the street, basically if you would have to remove a ski mask, or a winter scarf, you should NOT be allowed to wear a burqa). Or you can choose to stay out of those public places, stay in the privacy of your own home and property. That is Your Choice. You see, my extreme reasoning is, if the burqa is allowed, a murderer could throw one on, conceal his weapons, walk into a bank, shoot the place up and walk out. No one would ever know who did it, because he is hidden from the video surveillance due to the burqa, He is hidden from possible witnesses due to the burqa. He just got away with murder and will do it again, all because it was assumed he was simply a Muslim woman. Sure this is out there and among the worst case scenarios. But it could happen. 
  2. My Main, concern is Fairness. Do you think it is fair that if one person were to walk into a bank on a cold day wearing a ski-mask that they are asked to remove it by security or asked to leave, but another concealing their identity “for religious reasons” is ok. Do you think it is fair that a person concealing their identity with a ski mask enter a school with your children, they are asked to remove it or leave (or cops are called) but if a person enters enters a school concealing their identity due to their religion, this is ok? I do not. I do not think this is fair AT ALL.

Below photo found at Ban the Burqa worldwide Facebook page

BTB

Why are you not allowed to wear a ski mask into these public places? THAT is why you should not be allowed to wear a burqa. YES, I am comparing a burqa to a ski mask, because a face covering is a face covering. Religion has nothing to do with it. Equality is Equality. If you want to be treated as an equal, then act as an equal. follow the rules that apply to all.

There is no reason on this planet (that I can think of) that a person should even wear a burqa. NONE.

I was once told, by a Canadian Muslim, that they (Muslim women) might wear the burqa because they are not beautiful and do not want to be judged (I swear, true story)… What the fuck!? how the hell is this religion? This is a self esteem and possibly a pride issue and needs to be addressed by a counsellor of some sort. For fuck sake… This person then went on to complain about Canadians and their racist opinion of Muslims …  umm I am concerned about safety and expressed my opinion on an article of clothing … which of us is “racist” here? For the record, My opinion of Muslims is that they are people with beliefs. I am a person with beliefs. Black people are people with beliefs. Catholics are people with beliefs. Gays are people with beliefs. Russians are people with beliefs. I do not give a rats ass who you are. I dislike everyone equally. A human is a human. Period. I do not judge on race, colour, sexuality, religion, age or whether or not you agree with me. I will judge you on whether or not you are a stupid fucking asshole.

Some might say “the Quran says so” … Uh … no it doesn’t!  What the Quran in fact says is:

“Cover your chest” (24:31);
“Lengthen your garments” (33:59)
“The best garment is righteousness and modest conduct.”(7:26)

Nowhere in the Quran does it explicitly say women must cover themselves from head to toe, not showing their face and conceal their identity from society. The Quran instructs men and women to dress and behave modestly in society. Period.

I am curious as to whether or not this women trying to change Canadian laws is “behaving modestly” …

Also … Why the fuck would you want to? Do women actually WANT to wear these garments for themselves? Are they being forced to by their “men”? Do they wear them out of fear? I don’t get it personally.

So there it is. Do I think “we” should “Ban the Burqa”? Only in public facilities. If you can wear a ski mask, you can wear a burqa. If you are “not allowed” to wear a ski mask … then remove your burqa. If you are asked to remove your face covering in an establishment, then either remove it or leave. Simple as that. Don’t go crying to the courts to have our fucking laws changed.

Do I think Our laws, culture and way of life should be changed to accommodate outsiders? FUCK NO! Adapt or go away!

I have friends of many different colours, races, sexes, ages,religions and sexual orientation. I have friends who do not agree with my beliefs. I have friends who have different political views than I have. I have friends who dress different than I do, listen to different music and raise their children a different way . Just because they are different does not make them wrong or bad, it makes them different than me. We are still friends (with the exception of Garvan of course).

(Hell, My boyfriend, Finn, has MANY different beliefs, opinions and views then I do… I still love him. Also, I raise my daughter, Kyia, to have her own opinion, views and beliefs… I secretly hope they are the same as mine, but, for the most part, I let her establish them herself, I simply guide her and inform her and encourage her to research and form her own opinion…and yes, she already has different opinions, likes, dislikes than I … like her listening to that horrible country music… ulgh… the brat)

We ALL have different opinions. We ALL have different beliefs. We ALL have different views. We ALL make different choices. Accept it and move on, or don’t and fuck off. It is your choice.

Opinions are different … Am I a hypocrite for these 2 opinions?

**Edited I separated these 2 stories as they were so different. **

Losing a friend over a difference of opinion

and

My opinion on the Burqa controversy.

Do I think Our laws, culture and way of life should be changed to accommodate outsiders? FUCK NO! Adapt or go away!

I have friends of many different colours, races, sexes, ages,religions and sexual orientation. I have friends who do not agree with my beliefs. I have friends who have different political views than I have. I have friends who dress different than I do, listen to different music and raise their children a different way . Just because they are different does not make them wrong or bad, it makes them different than me. We are still friends (with the exception of Garvan of course).

(Hell, My boyfriend, Finn, has MANY different beliefs, opinions and views then I do… I still love him. Also, I raise my daughter, Kyia, to have her own opinion, views and beliefs… I secretly hope they are the same as mine, but, for the most part, I let her establish them herself, I simply guide her and inform her and encourage her to research and form her own opinion…and yes, she already has different opinions, likes, dislikes than I … like her listening to that horrible country music… ulgh… the brat)

We ALL have different opinions. We ALL have different beliefs. We ALL have different views. We ALL make different choices. Accept it and move on, or don’t and fuck off. It is your choice.

Audible Review

Audible

Audible

Today I will attempt a review of some sort. I have never really done a review before, (other than a couple Yelp complaint reviews) so bear with me.

I have been using this app (I guess it is an app) called Audible.

What is this Audible I speak of?

Well it is an app that allows you to purchase, download and listen to digital audiobooks. There may be more to it and more you can do with it, but the only thing I do is purchase, download and listen to digital audiobooks, So that is what I will discuss.

Audible is part of Amazon.com and Kindle and supports something called whispersync (which apparently allows you to switch between reading and listening to your book (without loosing your place) … Sounds great, but I have not tried this yet and have minimally looked into it as I tend to not use kindle much. I either use Audible or read a physical book).

How does Audible work?

Well you purchase a membership (You do not require a membership, but your membership is approx $15/mth and typically includes a free audiobook monthly (Via credits) and 30% off any purchases). You then download your book and listen away. Once the book is purchased, it is yours. you do not lose books when you cancel your membership. However, from what I understand, if you cancel your membership with unused credits, you will lose them. So Use up all your credits if you are planning to cancel.

So what do I think of Audible?

I give it 4.5 out of 5 stars. I really like it.

I like that I can “read” my books while driving. I use this app at least twice a day (driving to and from work) for 20 minutes to an hour each use. I can “read” during times that I could not normally read. Who knew one could “read” while driving and NOT crash! Yay!

I like that I can purchase a book any time. I do not have to find a Chapters and spend an hour (or more) walking around the store trying to find a book to buy, then waiting until I get home to settle in and read. I can do a search and click a button. TaDa, instant book reading! Anytime, Anywhere … well I may be able to read while driving, but searching for a book might not be a good idea behind the wheel, unless you are parked.

I like that I can adjust the speed. Audible has this neat little feature that allows you to speed up and slow down the reading of the book. If a reader is a speed talker you can slow that yapper down to half speed. If a reader is talking too slow, dddrrraaaagggiiinnnggg aaallllll ttthhhiiieeerrr wwwooorrrdddsss and taking excessively ….long ….boring …..pauses…… at the…. end….. of …..every….. word…. or …. sentence…., then speed that snorefest up! If I am not mistaken, the speeds can be adjusted between 0.5 times normal speed and 3 times normal speed. I have personally only needed to speed up 1 book and it was only by 1.25X.

I like that there is a guarantee. I have not used this doozy of a feature as of yet and I hope I do not have to, but apparently, if you do not like a book you can return it for a refund! I think that is lovely! I am sure there are some limitations, meaning I highly doubt you can return every book you finish reading, just because you finished reading it. I am sure they will cut you off somewhere. Don’t be a douche and ruin it for the rest of us. Return it only if it was of poor quality and/or it truly deserves to be returned.

I like that it is user friendly. For a girl who use to be so very technology inclined … well let’s just say I am no longer, technology has surpassed my interest. I am reminding myself of my Grandmother who had to get me to program phone numbers into the directory of her new fancy phone … phone … Now I call upon my daughter to figure out how something works. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I can’t do it, it is that I do not want to. Over the years I have learned to use thousands of new products and programs, the line has to be drawn somewhere. So, now that I lost most interest in learning the massive amounts of new technology and wasting my time trying to figure out how to manoeuvre around hidden settings, having user friendly electronics, apps and such is a big win in my books!

I like that it syncs. I can use Audible on my smartphone, my tablet, an ipad, an ipod and what ever other device I have and it syncs my spot so that I do not lose it if I choose to switch devices. Keep in mind an internet connection must be present (to download a book and/or sync …NOT to listen). So if I forget my phone at work, I can still continue my book on my tablet. I like it!

I like that I can use it off line. It will not sync while offline, but I can still use it (providing the book is already fully downloaded).

I like that Audible will play in the background. Yup that is right, you can listen to your book while updating your facebook status, sending a text or taking a picture. You cannot, however, listen to music, make a phone call or use apps that require the speaker obviously … but audible will pause automatically when a call comes in and replay when you hang up. pretty cool if you ask me.

I do NOT like no free books or category.  Unlike Kindle who has tons of free books, Audible has minimal, only 1 that I have found (Treasure Island). Ample Short stories and samples but very few full books for free… Update, I went on a hunt and I have found 1 more (Free: Shark Tank Jump Start Your Business: How to Launch and Grow a Business from Concept to Cash) OY! … Even if they do happen to have lots of free books, they are not easily found. I can’t seem to locate them. There is no Free book category which is very irritating, I like to read, I will purchase books, but a free one every now and then is always nice.

I do not like that they remove your credits if you cancel. You have had your membership for 6 months, gathered up 6 credits, used 1 and therefore you have 5 left. You decide you don’t use audible enough to warrant keeping your monthly membership at this time. You cancel, thinking, no biggie, I have 5 credits, I will use up those credits later and … uh NOPE! use them up BEFORE you cancel or lose them forever. You do NOT get them back if you rejoin either!

So to sum up: I have paid for a membership (Platinum membership – Annual: which means rather than get credits monthly, I paid for the year and get all my credits at once) and although I have listened to only 4 books so far, I feel it is worth it. I really enjoy the freedom of being able to “read” anytime!

CLICK HERE IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TRY AUDIBLE FOR ANDROID

Stay Tuned Part 1

Lego Pain

Continued from What is this pain. I suggest you read that first…

The blood work all came back normal. YAY!

But I am still in Pain and I still have no idea what is wrong. This not knowing shit is causing my stress levels to sky rocket!

Every day, at least once a day, I keel over from the pain. I truly do not know how much more I can handle.

Today, the pain is mostly on my right side and through the right side of my lower back … WHAT! This is new. For months it has been on the left side and around the center with the odd spread to the right … Today, all day, my right side hurts (with a little center and right). What did I do in a past life to deserve this? I am so tired of being in pain. There is always something.

My Knees (My knees have caused me pain since I before I can remember, <5 years old)

My Back (Not as long as my knees but still many years of back pain…. upper, mid AND lower!)

My pelvic (abdomen) area (and now this)

All. The. Time.

Some days, like today, I can not concentrate on anything other than the pain. It hurts. I am trying to work and cannot even think. I try to drive and find it difficult to focus on the road. I try to sleep and cannot. I cannot do much

I am still waiting for the gynecologist call for an appointment. That is correct; 2 ish months and still not even a call to say here is your appointment. For F@#$ sake.

I need to get in there soon for 2 reasons really: I need to figure out what the hell is wrong, but I also have no birth control at the moment as my IUD was removed… I may need that back soon (or NOW would be nice) .. well maybe not that exact one …

Microsoft's Confused Face

… Stay tuned …

A Happy Post … My Daughter

My Daughter, Kyia.hugs
11 Years old at the time of this post.

This young lady is the love of my life.
From the moment she was born she has put the sparkle in my eye with the sparkle in hers.
So What can I say about her to describe her. The proper words elude me, and I may bounce all over the place, but let us see what I can come up with.

Kyia is: Beautiful, kind, spirited, thoughtful, courageous, smart, courteous, soft spoken, loving, stubborn, sentimental, stunning, bright, playful, silly, warm, sincere, intelligent, respectful, picky, cool, funny, polite, helpful, sweet, friendly, comical, clumsy, popular, obsessive, weird, fabulous, well-behaved, spoiled, emotional, happy, talented, quiet, giving, artistic, fun, brilliant, tall, inspiring, and interesting, to name a few.

Kyia loves kitties, and animals in general.
She loves children and babies.
She loves movies and music and books and life.
She likes to draw and paint and craft.
She enjoys cooking and eating.
She loves her family and her friends.
She wants to live a long healthy life by trying to eat healthy and exercise.
She has wanted to be a paleontologist, an artist, a musician, a veterinarian, a teacher, and to work in her favourite store(s) for the discount.
She has loved and lost at such a young age.
She has had her blanket and a special stuffy since she was an infant.
She likes to shop and hang at the mall.
She loves camping and vacationing.

Kyia feels deeply. She loves deeply, she cares deeply, and she hurts deeply.mommys_little_bambino_oval_decal

I love her more than there are raindrops during spring showers.
I love her more than there are stars in the sky.
I love her more than myself. I would, without a second thought, give my life for her.

Having her in my life has made me the best person I can be. For her.
She is my treasure. She is my inspiration. She is my hope. She is my joy. She is my blessing. She is my dream. She is my heart. She is my headache. She is my soul. She is my love. She is my daughter.

She is my Reason.

Single mom Vs. “Single” mom

single-mom-460x339

Single Mom (or dad … Note: I will use mom, but it’s context will actually mean any parent, I am not being sexist or whatever you want to call it this week, I am only using it in this way as I am a single MOM) = Mom who is raising the child independently. The Father (AGAIN NOTE: I am only using father/dad to differentiate, this could in fact be either parent, so don’t go getting your panties in a bunch) is not in the child’s life, does not help financially, emotionally, mentally or physically with the child’s upbringing whether due to death, or because they are a “deadbeat” etc. A single parent is the sole provider for the child.

Note: A single mom is NOT one who does not allow the father to see the child. A single mom is NOT one who pushes an “actual” willing father away. 

“Single” Mom = A mom who happens to be single. A mom who has the assistance of the father to help with the upbringing of the child but the parents are not together.

“Wilful single mom” I believe the mother who does not allow the father access would fit in this category.

Note: If a GOOD man who is ACTUALLY willing to be in his child’s life and help out in any way he can and be unselfish by always putting that child first and the mother does not allow it, she is an evil C^#% and is ruining her child’s life. I HATE these women. I will discuss this more later …

So here is my situation. I am a single mom. I was lucky enough when my daughter was a toddler to have assistance from some family and friends. NOT her father. (if you read my previous posts Let me get this straight and The battle today … should she get the response or should she be ignored? you will get a bit of background).

Note: Kyia’s father is the worst kind of deadbeat piece of shit. Why? Because he uses her for his convenience. He shows up after months of no contact, usually to impress someone. He is not in her life, but he shows up enough to confuse and hurt her. He treats his daughter like shit, avoids support payments, lies and manipulates and then tries to make it look like it is all me. Let me do a sum up … if I can. He refuses to see her for years unless it is convenient for him, he uses her, for example, to impress a girl; he will take kyia for a sleepover, Or to make this girl feel sorry for him; he will ask me if he can take Kyia on a day he KNOWS we have plans so when I say no, he can say “see she won’t let me see my daughter”. He refuses to willingly pay child support, it must be garnished from his pay check … if and when he holds a legitimate job. He has refused visitation schedules (which were more than fair). He puts guilt trips on his daughter to make HER cry and feel bad for HIS behaviour. He is one of the 3 people I truly hate (See # 15). He is what I am classifying in this blog as a pretend dad.

I could go on and on and on, but I am veering off topic. So back on track … single mom vs. “single” mom.

As an actual single mom I get very disgusted when mom’s who are “single” moms use the single mom status to get free things. They use the single mom status to use and manipulate people to get what they want. These people are despicable. Let me tell you something. As I mentioned before my above rant, I was lucky enough to have assistance from family and friends when Kyia was younger (Declan, Keira, Viona, My Mother, My aunt Lacey, My aunt Bridget on occasion, even my sister Bree, to name but a few). Because of their help I was able to go back to school and achieve a technology diploma. It was a long hard road, school, work and parenting but I did it. I was a single mom, but as I had so much love, support and help, I did not use my single mother status as a cry for help. I did not need it. (although I did state it on a couple of occasions which I may discuss another time) With that said, let’s say hypothetically that I did not have this support and I did need “outside help”; would I use my single mother status? This is where I would condone using this status, but not abusing it. As I mentioned before, I did on a couple of occasions throw my single mom status into the mix. It helped get me a scholarship to pay for my schooling. It helped in getting assistance to pay for child care while in school. The thing is (for the most part) I mentioned it. I did not request a pity party throwing every pitiful detail of my pathetic life. It was basically an “I am a single mom trying to better our lives” and then I moved on to topic.

So if you are an actual single mom and you legitimately need help every now and again, ask for it. Throw your single mom status into the mix, it works. But do NOT abuse it. Do not take and take and take. Do not expect handouts from everyone. Do not sit your ass on welfare. Do not cry for pity. Get up and do something. Accept peoples charity but only if you need it and/or are bettering yourself otherwise allow that single mom who actually needs it have it.

I am going to go back to what I will call the “wilful single mom”. I hate this woman! If there is a father who truly (I stress the word truly to rule out the pretend dads from this category) wants to be in his child’s life and you are refusing him access you are the lowest of the low. You are that dreaded “C word” most women hate … yes, you are a Cunt. Now keep in mind I am not referring to women who are hiding their child from an abusive man for the safety of their child (or for some LEGITIMATE reason… smoking pot is not a legitimate reason, smoking crack daily in the presence of children is. Social drinking is not legitimate, falling down drunk daily in the presence of children is. He cheated on you is not a legitimate reason, cheated on you with a child (pedophilia) is. Do you see where I am going with this), I am talking about that skank, who out of spite, keeps the child away from the loving father. The woman who will do whatever it takes to hurt the man who left her crazy ass. The woman who uses her child to cause pain and agony to a devoted dad. Do NOT call yourself a single mom if you are this evil shrew. You are not a single mom because you have a second parent willing to be in the life of his child. You have a second parent who is willing to support his child. You have a second parent who is willing to love his child. You are nothing. Just so you know … what is just as bad as this cunt is the piece of shit who PRETENDS (to others) to be that devoted dad. I despise this “pretend dad” too. But this is another topic all together.

Now onto the “single” mom. Just because you and the father are split up does not make you a single mom. If the father is part of the child’s life and upbringing, stop using this status. You do not get to pull the “I am a single mom, pity me” card EVER. You are a mom and you are single. Find a dating site.

I have personally known at least one person from all of these categories of each sex (meaning: I have known at least 1 single mom and single dad, “single” mom and “single” dad as well as wilful single mom and wilful single dad … as well as both the pretend dad (and a mom), the deadbeat (Mom and dad) and the loving parents in each situation) and …I forgot where I was going with that …

So to sum up.

Single mom: Single handily raising the child. Earns the right to ask for help and assistance as a single mom IF NEEDED.

“Single” mom: A mom who is not with the child’s father, but receives support in the upbringing of the child; financially, emotionally and physically. Should NEVER call herself a single mom.

Wilful single mom: Scum of the earth right there next to pretend dad. Should not even be classified as a mom.

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